What?!

Putin accused US of being behind the attack on Ossetia as part of a plot to bring McCain and the Republicans to White House. This is merely a projection of the ‘tricks’ those in power in Russia use onto a country that is on a very different moral level. That is America.

Putin came to power on the back of apartment building bombings and a new conflict, which became a second military campaign in Chechnya. Moscow theatre siege which took 130 lives and was sanctioned by groups within the FSB in order to have carte blanch from the West as well as its own people for further violence in its breakaway regions.

This is their technique but this is not America’s technique.

Aren’t you guys giving yourselves away?

The proof for this statement was an american passport found in Ossetia in the area where Georgia special forces were located. Because that's what you do when you're on a secret mission of one level or another, take all your IDs with you.

During a long interview with CNN's Mathew Chance Putin looked small and insecure. The opposite of his usual arrogant self. Is this the card they feel they now have to play, when even China has condemned their actions not to mention the overall isolation. Scared now are we?

Russia United. Not in a good way.

To call the new wave of the anti-American hysteria in Russia, that I am encountering first hand on a daily basis, overwhelming is an understatement. It is a wide spread belief that what happened in South Osetia is America getting to Russia using ‘Georgian hands’. There is a tremendous hate for Georgians, who for so many years were like brothers to Russians, but it is separate from the bigger topic-America, the enemy. Many speak with enthusiasm (!) about the possibility of the new cold war and even, get this, a third world war. They also seem content with an idea of being in isolation from the rest of the world, with only few ‘friends’ left-Iran, Pakistan and, possibly, China. The government controlled channels are, naturally, propaganda tools, used to the full at the moment. The results are astonishing. We are told that ‘the country is now united’. Ironically ‘United Russia’ is the dominant Putin controlled party in the Parliament.

What I believed happened is Russian provoked Georgians, and this was in the making for a while. Georgians reacted very angrily and brutally, which, of course, was a mistake. And America went ‘shit, we really don’t have the money or any desire to get involved in this mess right now’.

Russians, however, will use this well. Some of it practical. Wars are very profitable in Russia for the selected few. And some if it is a massive ego boost, and ‘re-establishing its place’ in the region and the world.

Please Help a great family in trouble

This is for the Russians. Your help is badly needed for a family who lost their son in Moscow theatre siege. Their other son, Ivan, needs an eye operation and we're collecting funds. Great people in an awful situation, again. Please help.
Это рублевые счета:
Карпова Татьяна Ивановна
СБЕРБАНК РОССИИ
Внутреннее структурное подразделение
№ 8641/01651
Счет № 42307810438364408776

Центральное отделение № 8641 Сбербанка
России ОАО г. Москвы
счет МФР 30301810900006003836 Сбербанка России
ОАО г. Москва
БИК 044525225
ИНН 7707083893
КПП 775003035
ОКАТО 45286580000
Кор. Счет Сбербанка России ОАО:
30101810400000000225 в ОПЕРУ Московского ГТУ Банка
России
Номер филиала 8641/01651

Яндекс деньги: 41001102754237

Khodorkovsky's appeal for early release was denied today. This will take toll on his father, who a couple of days ago told Tatyana Karpova (Nord Ost organisation) that he feels very weak.
On a jolly note, square (!) watermelons from China, at a modest price of 32,000 roubles ($1,250) a kilo, were sold out within hours.
I wish I was kidding.

Grim, very grim

We are on a brink of a catastrophe and the most shocking thing to me is that even the Russian opposition and few of my friends, brutally destroyed by the regime, blame Georgia and, most importantly, America. One is in exile in London on Ukos related charges and another one is in jail! in Russia on a fabricated case. It is hearing from them 'Americans, those bastards...' that made me feel very pessimistic. Right now I am watching Russian tanks crawling on the Georgian soil....

President Bush made a very severe comment about what's going on there is making me think some new form of cold war, something i said a year ago on a TV show will not happen, is not far away. Watched President Saakashvili almost hysterical on CNN and saying 'Georgia will never surrender no matter how many Georgians die'. Watched McCain (mispronounce Saakashvili's name) and Obama both say this is unacceptable. I felt a chill. Will this really spin out of control?

War in Ossetia, day 3

It is hard to know exactly who attacked first in the current South Ossetia crisis. And, really, it doesn't make that much difference. Of course at the center of all this is the clash between Russia and Georgia. Russia feeling terribly unhappy with the fact that's its neighbour and former 'Communist brother' is not looking in the direction of Western style democracies but is allowing US to build millitary bases on its territory. As a result of substantial financial aid from America Georgia has been booming economically. More schools and hospitals were built in the last 2 years than in the previous 20. The opposition is free to have its marches AND have media coverage. They still have a long way to go, of course, and President Saakashvili is no saint. But this is not the point. The point is that in an ideal world they would be left alone and would be free to choose their political path and their friends. Sadly, Russia does not want to allow for that happen. For Russian people, however, the idea that Georgia, backed by America, attacked Russian peace forces in Ossetia lands on a fruitful soil. The anti - American mood has always been there and has been 'helped' recently with consistent propaganda.

Even without further escalation of this situation the relationship between America and Russia will deteriorate further. And in the worst case scenario...well...

Next few days are vital.

WAR

Here we go...South Ossetia...

This is the hotel where I was whisked away from 'for my safety'.

Makhachkala is potentially a very beautiful city. A great resort.

This is a statue dedicated to a Russian teacher. A real teacher as oppose to 'Russia, the big brother' type of teacher. I was assured the sentiment was genuine at the time when it was erected.

Some pics

These were taken right before I, Наталья Пелевайн, was pronounced a slightly unlikely but nevertheless enemy of the state.

This one says Welcome to Dagestan. As i took the picture a militia man with the AK approached me and asked me to put the camera away.

The new idea currently promoted heavily by the Russian government and the pro-government press is the imminent collapse of the 'American empire'. President Medvedev mentioned that 'America is in no position to tell us how to live' and the press like hyenas that they can be, started spitting out article after article about the American system being in the verge of a total breakdown. This is all too pleasing to the Russian ear. Russian people would much rather see someone powerful rot than pick themselves off the ground. And i don't mean by scoring a few goals in a Euro cup.

Found this photo of Anna

She was there probably 2 years before me and not long before her murder.

Book

I have been asked to write one chapter for a book which these company might option, about Nord Ost, which i've been putting off for a while. Largely because i have too many other projects right now. Another reason is that this will mean going over all my materials on the subject, and i have probably the largest amount of it out of anyone, and this might be a little tough. Draining. I must get to it though. How does one rate their ongoing battles? Which ones are more important than others.

KARPOVS

A completely desperate situation in the family of Karpovs. They lost their son in the Moscow theatre siege and Tatyana, the mother, is the official head of NGO Nord Ost. Their younger son is going blind after some kind of infection and no one can give the precise diagnosis. On top of that everywhere they go they are asked for money. Large sums, which they don't have. As a result of a bunch of pills he was given, last night he became delusional. They took him to the hospital this morning, he is still there. Tatyana, a women of incomparable strength, is sobbing. I am in the phone with them all the time...feeling helpless.

Little fact

At the risk of giving myself too much importance, out of the four of us stuck in the elevator three and a half years ago: Anna Politkovskaya, Ahmed Zakaev, Alexander Litvinenko and me, only two are still alive. Myself and Ahmed.

"NASHI"

Spoke with the PR girl for government formed and financed NASHI Youth Organization today on behalf of a UK production company that's doing a documentary film on them, to organize filming. They are at their summer camp, doing 10 mile hikes and various patriotic activities. Anya sounded cheery and happy, Go Russia! type of thing. Tomorrow Zhirinovsky, Russia's Mussolini, will visit them and 1st vice president will go there the day after. Their agenda, which is often of the nationalistic nature, is dangerous and so is the fact of the existence of a government endoursed youth group like this, taking into consideration the history of Russia.

On another negative note, my friend is still in jail on a fabricated case.

Skanderbek no longer wants to live in Dagestan. Or possibly Russia in general. He told me he has no illusions left. Also apparently at every mentioning of the Russian theatre (in Makhachkala) Aliev's face changes. I am glad the impact was this deep.

Bit of news

Spoke with Skanderbek, the director of the Russian theatre in Dagestan, who told me that the officials have told him he will not be allowed to take our Nord Ost play to Ossetia on tour even though they are taking a number of other productions there. by doing this they fully disregard the appeal made by the mothers of Beslan who asked (and collected over 100 signatures) for this production to be shown in Ossetia. He was also told to forget about ever doing this production, period. There were also further publications suggesting that i recruited him on behalf British secret services and the play was the beginning of a 'master plan'. we were to start the destabilization of Russia in Dagestan and then take it step by step. Where to? I have no clue.

Strasbourg

A rather shocking news-Strasbourg has fulfilled the demand of the Russian Federation to give the Nord Ost case the classified status. This means all the information provided by the victim's families has been sealed off and is inaccessiable.

Another slice of Russian reality

A very close person to me is in jail in Russia. The case is fabricated and will soon go to court. He is an amazing man and shouldn't be in there. He was telling me of the awful conditions people are in. Many have no mattresses on their beds. They are not taken outside at all, many rooms don't have even tiniest windows. And people who work there are like angry dogs. The whole thing borders on torture. He asked me if anything can be done. He was not asking for himself. I will do all i can. I hate Russian reality of complete lawlessness.

P.S

While Russia-Spain football match was on i was at the screening of a very good documentary film about Anna Politkovskaya at the Lincoln Center. A wonderful piece about Anna and her work by a dutch director Eric Bergkraut. Great interviews and footage i have not seen before.

We win 3:0

Hats off to the Spanish team for ending Russia's hysteria. Previous statement has nothing to do with my lack of patriotism but is a result of the presence of the latter.

Was i the only Russian who cried not from joy when Russians won over the Dutch team and went into semifinal of the Euro cup? I am sure the team played well and the boys deserve it and it is by no means them that i have a problem with. It's the reaction of the Russian society, who are always a step away from insanely inflated ego and all the unhealthy things this leads to.
This manifested iteself straight away on the night of this victory. Not only did they celebrate all night as if they won the world cup, the animals screams captured by reporters were of the following nature: 'Russia is the greatest!', 'This is what Russia is and this this how Russia does!' 'We are the best' etc. The headlines on news websites read 'We have put Europe on its knees!' This is in the country where no one went to the streets during the Nord Ost or Beslan, while the relatives begged people to. And no one gives a damn about what all the intelligent people are well aware of- we will never know the truth behind the murder of Anna Politkovskaya and other assassinations. That the government treats those very fans as slaves and they prove that's what they are over and over again. Many were sacrificed and many will be in the future. This will happen amongst the dead silence of the people, who never feel they can object to those in power and only screem when their team scores a goal.

If Obama does become the next American president, it will signify such a fundamental change in American politics and society that this will have impact on political scene globally. This time, we hope, in a good way.

What made me sad is when i read in some places, not in the official articles but some forums, that i took on the subject of terrorism and Nord Ost specifically as a PR move. But i felt sad not for myself but for people who wrote it. They must have such lack of human compassion that for them the only reason someone would take something like that on, would be for selfish and purely pragmatic reasons. Those words, soaked in envy and hatred, belittle only their author.

I get messages from the supporters of the Chechen mujahadeen and Islamic fight against foreign occupation in general. I am not sure if i should engage in some kind of dialogue with those people, ignore them or report them. The messages praise 'brothers and sisters' like Movsar Barayev, who took over the Moscow theatre.

RUSSIAN Version on the Internet

Russian Version of "In Your Hands", "В Твоих Руках" is now available on:

http://nord-ost.org/poslednie-novosti/v-tvoih-rukah_ru.html

Medvedev in his role as the president of Russia looks like a real bufoon. Surprisingly enough, considering he comes from a family of university professors, he speaks pretty terrible Russian, looks painfully shy, generally looking more like a young university student on dance floor, too timid to ask a girl for a dance than a leader of a country. It does appear more and more obvious that he is merely a facade and some other conglomerate is in control. It is sad and also dangerous in such a huge country. The notion itself is horrifying.

Another note on the play...

The really sad thing is that those government officials who were watching my play in Dagestan were not moved, and in all likelihood irratated, by the tribut to all those who died in terror attacks, when all our actors stood, with their heads bowed, in front of column of candles going all the way into the sky. And how on the metal shield which made for the backdrop, at the end of the play the last notes of the dying people appeared that said "remember us", "mama, i love you" and others. And when the actors came out to take a bow they picked up from the floor and put on the chairs empty bottles of water and juice cartons as a tribute to Beslan children, who were deprived of water for 3 days, as well as Nord Ost victims.

The fact that they ignored those things is tragic. For them. The robots.

Please Help.

I came across this site about children with cancer in Ukraine and the terrible struggle that they go through in the country where medical system is appalling and people are poor. A lot of those kids suffer very much and die because their families having sold everything simply don't have money to continue with treatment. Loans are not available for families like these.

Please forward this site to as many people as possible.

www.deti.zp.ua

Thank you!

Well done Hillary! A gracious speech of a strong, amazing woman who would have made a great president.

The Kleptocrats

There was a short piece in New York Post today about Bolat Nazarbayev, the brother of the president of Kazakhstan Nursultan Nazarbayev, bought a pad in NYC for 20 million US dollars. The headline was 'Kleptocrat pad'. Couldn't put it any better if you tried.

In a society where people don't care about what they allow their government to do, how they allow their government to deal with situations such as Nord Ost and Beslan, is doomed. As long as it is someone else's family who lose their child because the government messes up the rescue efforts, and then puts a price tag on that child's life- $3000 in Nord Ost, a little more in Beslan-people go about their business in numb silence. This denial mixed with fear is the most dangerous symptom of Russian society.

What was that, Mr Aliev?

As i decide on what steps to take with regards to the situation surrounding my play in Russia, as the officials are not allowing it to go up again, this is an overview of the statements made by the president of Dagestan Mr. Aliev between 11am and 5pm Monday the 7th of April 2008.

1. He disliked the play but did not ban it. He sees objective look at the North Caucusus war as inclination towards wahhabism.

2. 'Those behind the play suggest that all of us are to blame for what happened in Nord ost and Beslan. We are all to blame? I am to blame? what am i to be blamed for may i ask?'

3. 'They should try to stage this play in Beslan. I will ant to see what will happen to them there.' (Beslan mothers reacted immediately and said that they very much welcomed the play)

4. 'The play is the provocation by the enemies of Russia. Did you notice that it was first staged in London? And shall i remind you where Mr. Berezovsky is hiding? This play is aimed at the destabilisation of our region.'

PUTIN-We did everything right.

Today PM Vladimir Putin in his interview with French journalists has stated that 'everything was done right' by the government officials during the events of the Moscow theatre siege and the Beslan school siege. Thus not just refusing to admit to a single mistake made durind, say, the rescue operation, but pretty much saying he will never accept responsibility for the things that went wrong and led to so many deaths. This is also an indication to the relatives of the Nord Ost and Beslan victims and former hostages, now formed into non-government organisations Nord Ost and Voice of Beslan that their efforts are in vain. That they will never get what they are fighting for. The truth. The admittance of guilt. At least. So no wonder that people like myself who stir things up regarding this much hated topics are seen and pronounced an enemy. Thus President of Dagestan's statement regarding my play being a plot of 'our countries enemies who live abroad aimed at destabilising our region'. That was a quote.

As i am working on my second draft of the screenplay about Anna Politkovskaya and Nord Ost, i am forced to make a number of difficult decisions. How many of the controversial topics to bring up, while making it comprehensible and not slipping into conspiracy theory zone (which i hate). And how to make the 'formula'-good guy/bad guy-work without slipping into stereotypes (which i hate even more). Time will show...

The tragic thing is that at the moment after a few victorious games in sport, after the win on Eurovision song contest Russia is very seriously talking about all this being a sign of Russia's resurrection. It's very sad that people, so easily manipulated and hypnotised into believing all this, go around saying 'we are the greatest', based on a couple of accidental victories in sports and the Eurovision contest, which in civilised Euopean countries is widely known to be a joke. These are the standards Russia applies to measure its own greatness, quickly slipping into hysteria. All this while for years it hasn't exported a single car, washing machine or a pair of jeans; elderly, soldiers, teachers and doctors make pennies and freedom of speech and expression are being suffocated. You are delusional, Russia. This is a very slippery slope.

Here it is, burning after the explosion. The fire is on my 12th floor.

Explosion

Even though my grandparents have been able to move back into our apartment after the apartment opposite ours was blown up on the night of the premiere of my play in Dagestan ( in fact 1 hour after it ended), they are still very traumatised. They've spent a month in a hotel and glad to be home but it's hard. Three people died in the explosion including the young woman, our neighbour we all knew well and loved. They went to her gravesite few days ago.
All they were getting in response to questions about the investigation into the explosion are lies which changed from day to day until they no longer feel the need to respond at all.

Not suppose to ask questions in Russia. 'How dare they' i hear them say.

One famous dissident in America told me that i am now officially (whatever that means) a dissident. This has been established by the Russian dissident community in the US on the grounds that i am fighter for the truth, justice and people. And that, perhaps most importantly, i have suffered for my efforts. All the dissidents from the Soviet era are at least twice my age. The developments of the recent years are forcing the term to come back to life?

Khodorkovsky school

A few words i wanted to say about my trip to the orphanage or rather school for children from underprivileged families founded by Mikhail Khodorkovsky. It is run by his parents and i was invited to attend their end of the year concert. There are 40 children from Beslan in this school. It was a wonderful event and the kids were fantastic. There was this light about them that only given s second chance at life or a chance at better life have. When i spoke with Boris Moiseevich, Mikhail's father, he said that he is not very hopeful when it comes to the earlier release of his son from jail, or, in fact that he, with his fragile health, will ever see him free again. I did not dare ask him how he feels about the future of Russia, the country i know he loves very much.
They are keeping very low profile as the government already made an attempt to shut down this school.

Власть -Дура

Власть-дура

И в их подковерных играх все примитивно. И цели и методы. И в желании выслужиться, которое влечет часто глупые поступки, а их последствия со свистом возвращаются назад и бьют его же выслуживающегося по лбу. Власть выглядела смешно даже на инагурации. И рукоплещущие холопы и угрюмый Путин и испуганный вусмерть Медведев. А оттого что власть дура, еще обиднее. Значит мы все еще большие идиоты.

Untouchable no more?

New prime minister Putin, who today at the meeting of the government and the parties where he was voted in (not unanimously) to become PM, was yelled at by the leader of the Communists Genady Zuganov. From untouchable to vulnerable? Will he be poked at and attacked more and more and will he be able to take it?

Medvedev - our new boss. Right....

I would like to congratulate all Russians with the new president. During the inauguration he looked petrified. What a joke....

I want to go ahead and take Aliev to court, or rather make an attempt to) but i am worried this will make life for Skanderbek even worse. I've made mistakes before, thinking it will be ok, nothing bad will happen. Had too much faith in the 'new Russia'. It is not safe for me to go back to Russia, that seems to be the consensus. It breaks my heart....

Ella Kesaeva

Ella is probably one of the hardest fighting and most defiant people among those who were affected by the Beslan tragedy. Sadly, even among those who went through Beslan there are many who are afraid to criticize the government.

Today i got a letter from Beslan addressed to the governor of Ossetia expressing the desire of its citizens to invite our play to their region. The letter has 94 signatures of the victims of the school siege. Yesterday i spoke with Ella Kesaeva, the leader of the Voice of Beslan, and she said that they support us fully and thanked me, which means more to me than any other kind of acceptance.

Skanderbek is still very much harassed by the press in Dagestan. The government 'ass-lickers' have launched a real attack on the director and his theatre in the pro-government papers. I spoke to him today. He is a fighter and wants to battle on.

Media. Love/hate (cliche)

I've now had time to read up on some of the things that have been published in the press and on the net on our play situation. I am very thankful to all who supported us and who gave us platform to speak, because there was absolutely every need for us to react to what happened.
I am at the same time very sad that some government pleasers painted me as some celeb wannabe, implying that that's why i chose this subject matter to begin with. Suggesting i knew there will be scandal. Firstly, there are many much easier ways to become famous these days. Just go party and bed hopping with the right people, show a little boob and you're set. I lived and breathed this topic for a long time and always had the blessing of the victims and their families. My heart bled all over it. My commitment to the families is absolute. Right now I am trying to find sponsors to keep their organisation (Nord Ost) going, as all the old ones have left them in the cold.
I wanted resonance for this play but NOT of this kind. Man, you never can get used to human pale bitterness.

The latest news I have from Skanderbek, the director of the Russian theatre in Makhachkala is that the play will not be performed again in any foreseeable future. Contrary to what the president's administrations has been saying to the press, the director has been told not to put the play up again. Skanderbek has been under a lot of fire in those recent weeks. Aside from the intelegenzia, most others seem to be loyal to their government, or to be more precise, their fear. Their desire to live as people and not slaves hasn't shown its face. Now what?

This notice appeared on the theatre doors...

the following morning.

Last fragment

During the play i leaned over once to look at Mr Aliev and he seemed to be watching with every bit of attention. Throughout the play the military heads sitting in the row behind me were discussing the factual truth of the play, admitting that that's how it happened 'back then'. Amusingly they got very excited they heard the sound of the helicopter. 'The chopper', one of them yelled out, almost like a kid. At the last beat of music Mr Aliev, his entourage and 'siloviki'-MVD, FSB men rose and without applauding, left the theatre. All the time as i was taking bows on stage, along with the cast members and the director, i kept thinking 'this is not good, unless it's just a security measure, for him, the president, to leave before everyone else, but...no, this is not good.'

I stood outside the theatre with Dmitry when the president passed right by me on his way to the car. He did it ina very demonstrative way.

After i did a few more interviews in Skanderbek's office, he showed up looking pale. It took me a few monutes to get out of him what happened. 'The president is very angry. The play is no more. You are not to know about this. I am to tell you tomorrow that the main actress got sick.'

We sat with a couple of very nice people, unaware of the reality of the situation, at the banquet table mostly empty for the lack of our high ranked guests, trying to pretend all is well. It was a pitiful and painful sight. It was a shocking and painful situation. It was shocking and painful, period.

18 hours later...

...you don't.

The banner on the theatre with the name of the play....

Here you see it.

Further in fragments...

By the time i arrived at the theatre, president's guards were already there. Since the whole thing was very unexpected, it was all very chaotic and many major things were overlooked. It was one of the actors playing terrorists who had a good sense to tell the guards that they'll be running up on stage with machine guns. 'Good thing you told us', they said, 'we would have shot you all if you hadn't'. They searched the theatre and checked the prop guns few hours before the performance. There was much discussion about where they can be positioned during th play, as not to be in the way of our actors moving around the auditorium.

Passing through the theatre foyer i saw groups of bulky self-assured men, mostly in suits. In fact only one of these generals wore his uniform. I was told to wait for the president's arrival and not go into the auditorium as i will be introduced to him. Finally i saw him coming up the stairs, his entourage few steps behind him. He shook my hand. I said 'Glad you could come' (what else do you say?), and he responded with 'i'm very interested'.

In fragments

The play based on the Moscow theatre siege has been in rehearsals for over 4 months, during which time director Skanderbek Tulparov has gone public with his plans, and has appeared on local TV and radio shows talking in detail about the project. After a while i've stopped asking him if any of the so called officials have made any advances. They haven't, and i shamed myself for being so behind and not giving enough credit to the immense progress in Russian. I began to think of ways to make this into an anti-terrorist act of some kind, inviting as many of my Nord Ost guys to Makhachkala and some of the Beslan mothers as well as some of the officials and human rights orgs people, to have a 'round table' talks. In fact this was initially suggested by Skanderbek's friend, one of the ministers in Dagestan. For the lack of cash we couldn't do it, and all we could afford is to invite one of the reps of Nord Ost organisation, Dmitry Milovidov, who lost his daughter in the siege.

On the day of the premiere we were suddenly told that president Aliev will be coming to the performance.

Russia, Dagestan, 08

What happened to me and my play in the last few weeks in Russia is shocking. Will write up everything very soon. Getting my thoughts together and deciding on the legal actions. I am very disappointed and tired but not broken.

The unsolicited ads on the Moscow metro for fake MOTs, University diplomas,IDs maintain for me this coutry's mystery. Sure we know that there is a whole lot of corruption but the fake bits of paper ensuring your status as a qualified driver, doctor(!) etc widely available on the black market in the 90s are the thing of the past, right? Not so it seems. Unless those ads on the metro are aimed solely at the very desperate illegal immigrants, like those from Tajikistan who work for pennies and have right to, well, nothing, not unlike Mexicans in the US. Either way this country, unlike any other, presents plenty if opportunities for time travel. And that's what we love it for.))))

Moscow, 08

Yesterday in Moscow I had an appointment with a doctor as I seem to have some kind of sinus problem that’s been bothering me a lot recently. The building of the free hospital where I arrived for my consultation had no work done in ages. Paint coming off the walls, elevator barely working, endless rude yelling. When I tried to go in, the security guard (like there is anything to steal) ordered me to go back to the cloakroom and get what turned out to be plastic shower caps you buy for a modest price of 10 roubles and put over your shoes.
The doctor that performed some form of water boarding on me, which admittedly did ease up my sinus, was left unaffected by my terrorist joke and proceeded to tell me with a grim face that she has no clue what the government does with all the oil money, since the doctors in this hospital, many, like herself with a PhD status, see none of it. Never did, not once. It is the unofficial ‘envelope’ salaries that help them stay afloat. Knowing this and fully prepared, even if extremely uncomfortable, I slipped on her desk my envelope with a 100-dollar bill in it, pushing it gently towards her. ‘You shouldn’t have’ she said and of course it’s true but who am I to fight against this dominant factor of Russian economy.
There are more old ladies begging in the metro than a few months ago. People are often uncontrollably, unreasonably rude. All women under the age of forty wear high spike-heeled boots. Mostly in black and occasionally red. Drinking and smoking youths are hanging on every corner like the whole place is a ghetto. And this is a respectable area of Moscow we’re talking about. As I got into a tram the driver with a burning cigarette hanging from his mouth sold me a ticket. One dollar one way, and I had to get off after two stops. The prices here generally are compatible to those in London and NY. The service is not. Where the hell is all the progress?
This is my motherland.

One Man Show

Russia's today's presidential elections realistically have only one name on the ballot. That of Dmitri Medvedev. For the wider public, outside of small groups who by the force of inertia still follow Zuganov the Communist and Zhirinovsky the clown, and aside from a complete unknown Bagdanov 'the democrat', there is no one else on that ballot they can vote for. The public acts as an inactive, uninterested observer. Most of the people i know are refusing to participate in what they see as a farce. The turnout, no matter what the official number announced, will be low. Having said that, no matter what the turn out is to be, in my view the percentage of the votes received by each candidate will be a genuine reflection of how those few who did take part voted. Increasigngly upset by what's going on in Russian on my own personal level, i fear more and more that this one man show is what fits russia best.

there is something going on right now, which i can't say anything about. not yet. but i do need to make this note.

recent

I've done an interview for a documentary film on Russian espionage for a well known channel, which i can't currently disclose. The other interviewees include Ahmed Zakayev, Mr B.B, and high up MI6 guys. Fun company. The irony is in the fact that some of the interviewees, off the record of course, tried to imply that i am an FSB person. My, oh my.....

Putin was in Dagestan few days back and said that the people of this region deserve special treatment because they once stood up, paying for it with their blood, not just for their own republic but for the unity of Russia as a whole. He's been going back in time to the 1999 events in Dagestan a lot recently. He rode into power on the tale of those events.

Dagestan production updates

Trying to keep a diary of our progress in Dagestan. So far nothing from the authorities. People are calling to book tickets though. Someone with intellectual authority has called the director to thank him for taking on this subject. We will have to see....

Mavlet told me that every day when he goes to the rehearsals of my play in Makhachkala he expects someone from the local high official office to arrive to discuss the production with him. And they won't be talking about the lighting. The manager of the theatre is walking around pale, thinking that someone from the local Dagestan audience and out of profound dislike for the Chechens, might start a real fight with the actors who portray Chechens. Actors, on their part, are afraid that mujahadeen might use the situation and come and replace some of the actors who play mujahadeen and do something nasty. It's comical)))....or.....not....

Theatre of politics

Politics can be absolutely riveting. At least American politics. It's like really good theatre with great writing and talented acting. To add to that, and this is the best thing about it, in both cases there is a good amout of genuine emotion. Or i might simply be a lot less cynical than i thought. Obama/Clinton debate at the Kodak theatre in LA was the best thing i've seen in a while. And that includes film, football, stars on ice, desperate housewives and porn.

I sometimes hear, even from the people i think i know, a question: 'Why do you do this?' They mean my interest in social and religious issues, the conflicts that are in existence and are about to erupt, the unfair treatment of the old people AND officers of the secret services, the carelessness of the government and the selfishness of the people. The moral pit that we're all in. All in all, the things that are generally considered to be unsafe. My answers vary but, regardless of the wording, the thing is, i can't do it any other way.

And i really feel...

...Vysotsky would have never accepted the way things are now. He wouldn't have made it to see the vulgarity of today's reality of cheap celebs and oligarchs. He would have died once the breakdown of the Soviet Union, which he so much desired, turned into a heartless, soulless land of gangsters, hookers and contract killings.

Vysotsky

Today would have been Vladimir Vysotsky's 70th birthday. He is a Poet. Actor. Artist. Genius. He is a legend, as valid today as he was in the politically stale and grim 60s and 70s. Fighter. The voice of the people. I was 3 when he died. He was 42.... He is my hero. He is our Russian Hero......

Heath Ledger

i wasn't going to write about this but decided i can't not to say somethings since i've been feeling it very deeply. He was great, true actor, a genuine talent, a lovely man who didn't care about the celebrity circus. I exchanged messages with Heath's agent who is responsible for his career and together they would have done so much more. it was not to be. He is devastated. We all are. RIP beautiful talented young man.

Theatre director from Dagestan, my friend, was in Moscow recently and while meeting with some film industry pals to discuss various projects asked what they thought of a film idea based on Nord Ost events. Their reply was, great... but not here and.. not now and... not on our money and... not for our audience. This reminded me of a line from Evgeni Schawarz's play The Dragon when the city governor is asked if Lancelot the warrior can with the battle over the almighty Dragon, he says, sure he can, but... not now and... not here an...d not over the Dragon and... not Lancelot. The man was a genius.

The Medvedev state sponsored PR campaign is well underway. On every news bulletin 70% is the coverage of his activities, from work to play. You barely see Putin anymore. In my view Medvedev, with his very civilised appearance and sweet shyness, is not more than a leader of Belgium or Luxembourg. Not Russia.

Following the process of party nominations campaing in the US does make elections in Russia look pretty...hmm...different. In America you know it's a real and genuine process the way the front runner changes almost on the daily basis. But in Russia for a number of also genuine reasons we can't do any better, not yet. P.S I support Hilary.

Beslan Mothers, Trunov

Going over some information about political asylum for one of the Beslan mothers i remembered how i asked few months back, ever so carefully, if there is any way i could adopt one of the many children left without both parents or any family as a result of the 2004 attack. Their reply was 'we never let our ones go. ' They consider these kids their own. Partly due to the tragedy that united them. Partly because in North Caucasus there is little distinction between you own kid and that of you neighbour in terms of how you treat them. Extraordinary.

Patrushev on Nord Ost

Head of FSB Patrushev in a channel 1 film about him and the Russian secret service admitted that the rescue efforts in Nord Ost were messed up. Not the operation itself as that was impeccable, but the total chaos that was the attempt to save gassed hostages. There was enough antidote he says, but the people who were adminestering it were unable to keep track of they injected and who they didn't. This is little comfort to the families. Tatyana Karpova, head of non-government organization Nord Ost, said that they don't believe what he says and still hope to bring those responsible to justice. I think this statement means that they just feel it's too little and too late. I also feel Patrushev will step down when Putin leavs his post, thus the unepected sincerity.

Both in Dagestan and Chechnya my friends, well respected people, theatre director and chief editor of a popular paper, ran fo Duma. From the opposition parties. Both lost, but i'm proud of them.

Medvedev is starting to look and sound more and more like Putin. The voice, the manner of speaking, the walk with one arm making a wide span movement while another one stays still and much more. Its rather amusing. I think its an unconscious thing on his part. It might pass and he will come into his own. Again, still optimistic.

Most of the presidential candidates from the opposition attended th Nord Ost-5th anniversary event. None were given a chance to speak. Relatives were not about to make the anniversary of the tragedy that took lives of their loved ones into a political circus. The only people who spoke were the relatives themselves, Beslan mothers, 9/11 representative and me.

The move with Medvedev destroyed opposition’s platform, and ripped all the core anti - Putin arguments out of their hands. Berezovsky is bound to be getting drunk somewhere because everything he said in his insane speaking rampages proved false. ‘Only by force my friends’, he used to yell. The claims of country sinking into totalitarian regime and Putin planning to reign for centuries are weakened. Some claim that Medvedev candidacy is fitting because he will step down at the first request and allow Putin back to power. I find it hard to believe. No matter how much of your position you owe to the previous leader, once in power it moulds you. I am optimistic.

'medved'-the bear-he is not

Putin has done the unexpected, he supported the candidacy of Medvedev, the current deputy prime minister, for the presidency. Many have been screaming, it even became fashionable, about Russia's inevitable descent into totalitarian state of being and the forces of siloviki, the military, taking everything uder their control. Putin's latest move contradicts that. He opted for a liberal in mind shape and form successor. In fact i can see Medvedev as a politician in any of the European developed capitalist coutries. Lets see what happens next.

Dagestan - Russia's least favourite kid

On my flight from Moscow to the capital of the Russian province of Dagestan, Makhachkala a young and attractive woman Naida sitting next to me offered me chocolate. ‘I can’t wait to get home’ she says. ‘I like Moscow, but it’s just not the same. Home is home’.

As soon as you step off the plane, the scene is immediately eclectic. In Makhachkala airport old Zhiguli are lined up next to brand new Porsche Cayenne, while in a distance I can see a few cows munching on the airfield grass.

The city is made up of old historic corners, construction sites as well as brand new cinemas and shopping centres. It’s autumn but even through the grey misty air one can imagine the beauty of this place once the spring arrives. It lies between the Caspian Sea and the beautiful Greater Caucasus mountains. Almost every kind of fruit and flower grows here. People are kind and welcoming and it’s an ancient tradition of the North Caucasus to treat guests like kings. Literally. When I was invited to a famous poet’s house for lunch, so much thought went into the preparation of the meal to ensure I enjoyed it and so much fuss was made of my arrival that I didn’t know how to react. And then I was showered with gifts.

The amount of destruction the republic of Dagestan has suffered is the sad result of the chaos of the 90s and years of military campaign in the region. In 1999 they resisted and forced away a large army of Chechen rebels, who came to fight Russians and establish or rather impose shariat law in their republic. Along the route of the Russian troops many Dagestan women gave soldiers bread, meat and fruit as a manifest of support. Dagestanees see it as a great misfortune that they share 600 km border with Chechnya. This border lies across mountains, which Chechen rebels arrogantly use for training, hideouts, storing weapons etc. They also frequently venture into the city to recruit new members, get supplies and ambush Russian troops. Escaping from anti-terrorist squads these Islamic terrorists or freedom fighters, whatever you preference, often break into private homes and create a standoff, in which the anti-terrorist squad invariably comes out on top. People from the nearby homes and offices watch from their windows as the house with the rebels is pounded by grenade launchers and raided with armoured personnel carriers. One must keep in mind that this is happening practically in Moscow’s front yard, a mere two-hour flight away from the capital. This is a shorter distance than Miami is from NYC. Luckily, America doesn’t have this same problem and England doesn’t fight potential terrorists in full-blown combat operations on its own territory. Russia does. This reality to some degree explains the presence of a security guard with a heavy-duty machine gun in the hallway of my Makhachlkala hotel.

Dagestan is a predominately Muslim republic, especially now that most Russians have left, not wanting to live in a ‘zone of an ongoing antiterrorist operation’. Majority of people in Dagestan are what we like to call moderate Muslims. Older generation has, for the most part, never really become very involved in religion. This is largely because of the lack of any religion (except communism) in the soviet Russia. I personally praise them for not adapting alarmingly quickly to the new (to them) notions in the new era. I feel it is more sincere. Some of the important positions in the region are still held by hard core communists, now in their 60s and 70s. They reminisce about the past when, as one of them put it to me, ‘no one asked where you were from and no one cared’. As for the young, they drink and party, wear latest fashions and behave like any other carefree brood.

On the backdrop of building sites and fruit markets and just a few blocks from the recently destroyed terrorist safe house, there are… theatres. There are five in this city. The night I went to the Russian dramatic theatre named after Maxim Gorky, a huge solid building with impressive 800-seat auditorium and long history, they were playing Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya. It is truly very sad. This in every way grand theatre barely has enough actors, as no thespians want to come here to work. Actually no one wants to travel here, period. This place has so much potential as a tourist destination yet there isn’t a single tourist. On the contrary there are very few jobs for the young here and many end up leaving.

This is a budget republic. There are thirty-seven ethnic groups in Dagestan and the same number of languages, but the official and widely spoken language here is Russian. I’ve rarely met as many people in one place so patriotic about Russia as I did here. Yet, I can’t help but feel that Russia treats Dagestan like an adopted child who, although a really good kid, ends up at the police station way too often. But a kid that wants to be loved, and the worst thing you can do is look at him with irritation or ignore him.

On my flight back a girl sitting next to me was again called Naida. It was her first time on the plane and she was travelling to Moscow to work in a department store. Unlike my first Naida, she is moving away from home to try to find a better life.

As I got into a taxi at Povelezky train station the driver asked me where I travelled. When I told him he responded with a shocked ‘My God! there is a lot of trouble there. I explained that people are still trying to have a life out there and that they are optimistic that everything will work out. ‘Lets hope so’, he said, ‘they are our people after all.

Duma, duma....

In an act of patriotism i went and voted yesterday. There will now be 4 parties in the Duma. None of the democrats got in. Were the results fixed? I doubt it. 64% is rather modest for United Russia's huge ambitions. And Democrats who have in the last few years shown 0 principal and with their constant bitter internal arguments and hysteria, didn't stand much chance (even if they did get my vote)

dagestan

In a few days i'll be in Dagestan. We will be discussing in detail the staging of my play. There has been a fair amount of military activity there recently which only means that the time is right.

Five years on

Friday marked 5 yers since the end of the moscow theatre siege. The memorial service attracted a good enough number of people but not enough for my comfort. And my comfort is in knowing people care. Many politicians and presidential candidates showed up and a lot of media. Mothers of Beslan were there as well as victims of other terrorist attacks, including 9/11. I gave a short speech as did 3 of the Nord Ost families and Beslan mothers. At the reception later i ended up discussing politics with the oposition leaders. Kasparov sat there with his hands on his face being very dramatic. Much was said, and felt, especially as i spoke to Beslan mothers and i will write all of that up...but later. It's hard, very hard.

Anna

I feel a bit concerned that i'm writing things Anna might have said or done, and she is not around to correct me. She can't tell me if i got it wrong or even if she feels i have no right to do this. Every so often i have to stop to fight this feeling.

Today is one year since Anna was killed. RIP dear Anya. And thank you.