dagestan

In a few days i'll be in Dagestan. We will be discussing in detail the staging of my play. There has been a fair amount of military activity there recently which only means that the time is right.

Five years on

Friday marked 5 yers since the end of the moscow theatre siege. The memorial service attracted a good enough number of people but not enough for my comfort. And my comfort is in knowing people care. Many politicians and presidential candidates showed up and a lot of media. Mothers of Beslan were there as well as victims of other terrorist attacks, including 9/11. I gave a short speech as did 3 of the Nord Ost families and Beslan mothers. At the reception later i ended up discussing politics with the oposition leaders. Kasparov sat there with his hands on his face being very dramatic. Much was said, and felt, especially as i spoke to Beslan mothers and i will write all of that up...but later. It's hard, very hard.

Anna

I feel a bit concerned that i'm writing things Anna might have said or done, and she is not around to correct me. She can't tell me if i got it wrong or even if she feels i have no right to do this. Every so often i have to stop to fight this feeling.

Today is one year since Anna was killed. RIP dear Anya. And thank you.

amazing film about muslims in britain who converted to christianity and how they suffer from other muslims. there are christian groups that train people to penetrate muslim communities as well as travel to middle eastern countries and try to convert muslims to christianity. two were executed by taliban, surprise surprise. sheer madness.

some day

I wish political issues were addressed as openly in Russia as they are in America. Especially such important geo-political issues as military conflicts. General Petraeus was grilled today by the congress.

Anna

I am writing my script about Anna and Nord Ost and spent many hours every day rereading her articles. she had a very unique style of writing. you become part of her thinking process and her emotional journey. It doesn't register when i read about Russians arresting suspects in her murder. She really was an amazing woman whose goal was to help those in tragic situation, to make their voices heard, to fight those who abuse power. To fight evil.

Met my friend today, former bureau chief of Al Jazeera in the US now attempting to set up independent ie out of state's control news channel in Cairo, Egypt. His main sponsor has reduced the amount of the promised investment, and is very likely to be trying to pull out of the deal altogether, most certainly out of fear of the backlash from the state. Currently there isn't a single news channel in Egypt that's not under state's control so i do hope my friend succeeds. But it's a hard road.

Watched a fragment on cnn today about prostitution in Iraq. Many women who as a result of this war, end up in a dire situation, with their husbands killed or jobless, with money to feed their children become prostitutes. i am trying to imagine how they do it, because they don't parade the streets in stockings. a lot of those women try to kill themselves because they do it still unable to accept that they are doing it. It's hard enough for those who slip into that kind of activity in the western world, it's 100 times worse in their culture.

i am now writing a number of essays about my life in the context of Russia and Russian politics. I am having a great time doing it feeling absolutely no need to be politically correct.

could it be?

There is an interesting idea that Putin before he leaves office to clean his name will order a proper investigation into Beslan and Nord Ost and actually have people who were responsible punished. Actual evil bastards who were behind it. I would so love to see that happen i am going to start praying. The tape of Beslan school explosions that shows that there was an explosion outside the theatre surfaced recently out of nowhere for a reason....

Another very important aspect is that the law in the Russian constitution that doesn't allow for Russian citizens to be extradited was actually part of trying to move away from the Soviet ways. It was created to insure that Russian citizens won't be given out (or exchanged) for political reason the way Solzhenitsyn and Rostrapovich were back in the 60s and 70s.

lost on translation

The info that came out and i was questioned on on the radio is that Russia threatens to throw out 80 diplomats. That was false info as all russians said was that if they reacted with the same measures as Britain to their extradition demands by now British mbassy would be 80 people short. and it's small thngs like this that add to the growing mutual dislike.

Brits have expelled 4 Russian diplomats as a result of Russia refusing to extrodite Lugovoy. This whole this is a circus. It's a joke. Why on earth would Britain want to ruin its relationship with Russia is beyond me. It's Russia! Russia has 116 dollars worth of natural resources per person when Englad has 9. Russia is one of the key players in war on terror (as much as i hate this term, the fact remains). I was commenting on the radio this morning and they asked: So, Natalia, do you think this is a beggining of another cold war? I said, i hope we're smarter and wiser than that...

As i am reading The death of the Dissident i am feeling really sorry for Litvinenko. He was fooled and used in the most disgusting manner. At the same time i can't ignore claims made by the people i do trust that he was 'ratting out his own' like there is no tomorrow from the start. I think that once he became exposed to B. Berezovsy's riches he became to blinded by them that he started to do everything he could to become some part of this lifestyle (possibly not without pressure from his wife. It is then that he started building his polonium proof coffin. That last time i saw him he was like a disorientated scared puppy in the way he behaved around B.B and A Z. It was disgusting. If they would have told him to eat dog shit in front of everyone he would have done. There was no feeling at all that he was among friends. Desperation and fear. Soon followed by his agonising death.

Russophobia, for real...

Met up with my friend last night, one of this country's best journalists who works for one of the world's oldest and most respected publications. She told me how recently, at a meeting where most of her paper's top people were present, the idea came up and was widely and passionately supported to do a set of pieces on Russia. The connecting theme being how much we hate Russians and why. Apparently the word 'hate' was used more than once in this emotional discussion. The range of topics was everything from how Russians made property in the UK unaffordable to evil Russian nature through the centuries. Never thought i'd have to side with Russia's legal representatives, such as the Russian ambassador to the UK who say there is evidence of serious Russophobia in this country. Like my friend says this nation needs to grow up.

Me as the FSB/MI6/etc Agent

A Russian internet news site, a very popular one, which operates from the States has published my interview but with the following headline 'Whose project is 'Pelevine'. It is later implied that i work for the secret services, but does not specify which ones and mentions both Russians and Brits as main possibilities. The lady who wrote it later emailed me saying don't worry about this, a healthy portion of scandal hasn't hurt anyone. what????

www.newswe.com

Me and Goldfarb on RTVi

Last Sunday as Bush and Putin were meeting for an informal talks i was a guest on a popular political show Perekrestok on RTVi. It is a crossfire type show and i was up against Mr Alex Goldfarb, Mr Berezovsky's brain. The subject was Amercan-Russian relationship Mr Goldfarb claiming that America must boycott Russia which, as he sees it, has become a police state. He and the host tried to stir clear of the Litvinenko topic. There were many calls coming in and people were casting votes in his or my support. I was able to hold my own even though i was very nervous beforehand. I did well i think. He ended up getting 73% and i got 27% which really isn't bad considerig the mind set of most of the audience of this program. Many of my friends and family who happened to be watching said that i came across very strong. It really was an incredible experience. The calls were actually in my support.

Ti ch'ih halop budesh? That's how i feel more and more. There is this pressure to side with one political group or another and i don't like it. Like i am expected to stand fully by the agenda of 1 group and 1 group alone. I feel i want to 'vote against all candidates'.

In NY an influencial media person asked me in whose interests it might be to giving Yulia Latynina, a radically anti-Putin journalist, as much press as possible. This request for my friend's participation in the Latynina campaign was coming from Mr Goldfarb, Berezovsky's right hand man. They are trying to make her into new Anna Politkovskaya. She is demonstrating amazing loyalty to those people. She is also making an attempt to become the next Nord Ost guru but that will never happen as Tatyana Karpova and Nord Ost non-government organisation are about to take her to court over her first and most likely last Nord Ost article in Novaya Gazeta. Also, the position is taken.