This notice appeared on the theatre doors...

the following morning.

Last fragment

During the play i leaned over once to look at Mr Aliev and he seemed to be watching with every bit of attention. Throughout the play the military heads sitting in the row behind me were discussing the factual truth of the play, admitting that that's how it happened 'back then'. Amusingly they got very excited they heard the sound of the helicopter. 'The chopper', one of them yelled out, almost like a kid. At the last beat of music Mr Aliev, his entourage and 'siloviki'-MVD, FSB men rose and without applauding, left the theatre. All the time as i was taking bows on stage, along with the cast members and the director, i kept thinking 'this is not good, unless it's just a security measure, for him, the president, to leave before everyone else, but...no, this is not good.'

I stood outside the theatre with Dmitry when the president passed right by me on his way to the car. He did it ina very demonstrative way.

After i did a few more interviews in Skanderbek's office, he showed up looking pale. It took me a few monutes to get out of him what happened. 'The president is very angry. The play is no more. You are not to know about this. I am to tell you tomorrow that the main actress got sick.'

We sat with a couple of very nice people, unaware of the reality of the situation, at the banquet table mostly empty for the lack of our high ranked guests, trying to pretend all is well. It was a pitiful and painful sight. It was a shocking and painful situation. It was shocking and painful, period.

18 hours later...

...you don't.

The banner on the theatre with the name of the play....

Here you see it.

Further in fragments...

By the time i arrived at the theatre, president's guards were already there. Since the whole thing was very unexpected, it was all very chaotic and many major things were overlooked. It was one of the actors playing terrorists who had a good sense to tell the guards that they'll be running up on stage with machine guns. 'Good thing you told us', they said, 'we would have shot you all if you hadn't'. They searched the theatre and checked the prop guns few hours before the performance. There was much discussion about where they can be positioned during th play, as not to be in the way of our actors moving around the auditorium.

Passing through the theatre foyer i saw groups of bulky self-assured men, mostly in suits. In fact only one of these generals wore his uniform. I was told to wait for the president's arrival and not go into the auditorium as i will be introduced to him. Finally i saw him coming up the stairs, his entourage few steps behind him. He shook my hand. I said 'Glad you could come' (what else do you say?), and he responded with 'i'm very interested'.

In fragments

The play based on the Moscow theatre siege has been in rehearsals for over 4 months, during which time director Skanderbek Tulparov has gone public with his plans, and has appeared on local TV and radio shows talking in detail about the project. After a while i've stopped asking him if any of the so called officials have made any advances. They haven't, and i shamed myself for being so behind and not giving enough credit to the immense progress in Russian. I began to think of ways to make this into an anti-terrorist act of some kind, inviting as many of my Nord Ost guys to Makhachkala and some of the Beslan mothers as well as some of the officials and human rights orgs people, to have a 'round table' talks. In fact this was initially suggested by Skanderbek's friend, one of the ministers in Dagestan. For the lack of cash we couldn't do it, and all we could afford is to invite one of the reps of Nord Ost organisation, Dmitry Milovidov, who lost his daughter in the siege.

On the day of the premiere we were suddenly told that president Aliev will be coming to the performance.

Russia, Dagestan, 08

What happened to me and my play in the last few weeks in Russia is shocking. Will write up everything very soon. Getting my thoughts together and deciding on the legal actions. I am very disappointed and tired but not broken.

The unsolicited ads on the Moscow metro for fake MOTs, University diplomas,IDs maintain for me this coutry's mystery. Sure we know that there is a whole lot of corruption but the fake bits of paper ensuring your status as a qualified driver, doctor(!) etc widely available on the black market in the 90s are the thing of the past, right? Not so it seems. Unless those ads on the metro are aimed solely at the very desperate illegal immigrants, like those from Tajikistan who work for pennies and have right to, well, nothing, not unlike Mexicans in the US. Either way this country, unlike any other, presents plenty if opportunities for time travel. And that's what we love it for.))))

Moscow, 08

Yesterday in Moscow I had an appointment with a doctor as I seem to have some kind of sinus problem that’s been bothering me a lot recently. The building of the free hospital where I arrived for my consultation had no work done in ages. Paint coming off the walls, elevator barely working, endless rude yelling. When I tried to go in, the security guard (like there is anything to steal) ordered me to go back to the cloakroom and get what turned out to be plastic shower caps you buy for a modest price of 10 roubles and put over your shoes.
The doctor that performed some form of water boarding on me, which admittedly did ease up my sinus, was left unaffected by my terrorist joke and proceeded to tell me with a grim face that she has no clue what the government does with all the oil money, since the doctors in this hospital, many, like herself with a PhD status, see none of it. Never did, not once. It is the unofficial ‘envelope’ salaries that help them stay afloat. Knowing this and fully prepared, even if extremely uncomfortable, I slipped on her desk my envelope with a 100-dollar bill in it, pushing it gently towards her. ‘You shouldn’t have’ she said and of course it’s true but who am I to fight against this dominant factor of Russian economy.
There are more old ladies begging in the metro than a few months ago. People are often uncontrollably, unreasonably rude. All women under the age of forty wear high spike-heeled boots. Mostly in black and occasionally red. Drinking and smoking youths are hanging on every corner like the whole place is a ghetto. And this is a respectable area of Moscow we’re talking about. As I got into a tram the driver with a burning cigarette hanging from his mouth sold me a ticket. One dollar one way, and I had to get off after two stops. The prices here generally are compatible to those in London and NY. The service is not. Where the hell is all the progress?
This is my motherland.

One Man Show

Russia's today's presidential elections realistically have only one name on the ballot. That of Dmitri Medvedev. For the wider public, outside of small groups who by the force of inertia still follow Zuganov the Communist and Zhirinovsky the clown, and aside from a complete unknown Bagdanov 'the democrat', there is no one else on that ballot they can vote for. The public acts as an inactive, uninterested observer. Most of the people i know are refusing to participate in what they see as a farce. The turnout, no matter what the official number announced, will be low. Having said that, no matter what the turn out is to be, in my view the percentage of the votes received by each candidate will be a genuine reflection of how those few who did take part voted. Increasigngly upset by what's going on in Russian on my own personal level, i fear more and more that this one man show is what fits russia best.

there is something going on right now, which i can't say anything about. not yet. but i do need to make this note.

recent

I've done an interview for a documentary film on Russian espionage for a well known channel, which i can't currently disclose. The other interviewees include Ahmed Zakayev, Mr B.B, and high up MI6 guys. Fun company. The irony is in the fact that some of the interviewees, off the record of course, tried to imply that i am an FSB person. My, oh my.....

Putin was in Dagestan few days back and said that the people of this region deserve special treatment because they once stood up, paying for it with their blood, not just for their own republic but for the unity of Russia as a whole. He's been going back in time to the 1999 events in Dagestan a lot recently. He rode into power on the tale of those events.

Dagestan production updates

Trying to keep a diary of our progress in Dagestan. So far nothing from the authorities. People are calling to book tickets though. Someone with intellectual authority has called the director to thank him for taking on this subject. We will have to see....

Mavlet told me that every day when he goes to the rehearsals of my play in Makhachkala he expects someone from the local high official office to arrive to discuss the production with him. And they won't be talking about the lighting. The manager of the theatre is walking around pale, thinking that someone from the local Dagestan audience and out of profound dislike for the Chechens, might start a real fight with the actors who portray Chechens. Actors, on their part, are afraid that mujahadeen might use the situation and come and replace some of the actors who play mujahadeen and do something nasty. It's comical)))....or.....not....

Theatre of politics

Politics can be absolutely riveting. At least American politics. It's like really good theatre with great writing and talented acting. To add to that, and this is the best thing about it, in both cases there is a good amout of genuine emotion. Or i might simply be a lot less cynical than i thought. Obama/Clinton debate at the Kodak theatre in LA was the best thing i've seen in a while. And that includes film, football, stars on ice, desperate housewives and porn.

I sometimes hear, even from the people i think i know, a question: 'Why do you do this?' They mean my interest in social and religious issues, the conflicts that are in existence and are about to erupt, the unfair treatment of the old people AND officers of the secret services, the carelessness of the government and the selfishness of the people. The moral pit that we're all in. All in all, the things that are generally considered to be unsafe. My answers vary but, regardless of the wording, the thing is, i can't do it any other way.

And i really feel...

...Vysotsky would have never accepted the way things are now. He wouldn't have made it to see the vulgarity of today's reality of cheap celebs and oligarchs. He would have died once the breakdown of the Soviet Union, which he so much desired, turned into a heartless, soulless land of gangsters, hookers and contract killings.

Vysotsky

Today would have been Vladimir Vysotsky's 70th birthday. He is a Poet. Actor. Artist. Genius. He is a legend, as valid today as he was in the politically stale and grim 60s and 70s. Fighter. The voice of the people. I was 3 when he died. He was 42.... He is my hero. He is our Russian Hero......

Heath Ledger

i wasn't going to write about this but decided i can't not to say somethings since i've been feeling it very deeply. He was great, true actor, a genuine talent, a lovely man who didn't care about the celebrity circus. I exchanged messages with Heath's agent who is responsible for his career and together they would have done so much more. it was not to be. He is devastated. We all are. RIP beautiful talented young man.