Very Early Monday

The stupid lonely feeling. More questions than answers. Constant new things to deal with, from money to people's moods. The ongoing 'well, once the system has decided to chew you up..' to 'surely you're not safe there'. But we do learn to live with everything. I see a bright ans smily day coming. Or just a day coming.

Squaddie

Squaddie is a great book a man I am proud to call my friend, Steven McLaughlin. It is an emotional, honest and detailed account of his tour in Iraq. it is a cliche-this kind of experience changes you forever. Steven is a kind, giving man who cherishes this life. A must read!

Once you get rid of fear you can move freely, guided only by your morals. I try to live by this.

Occasional feeling of desperation can lead to an episode of very positive activity. I imagine this is connected to a self-preservation instinct, which i always believed i lack. I'm getting back on track with my play staging in NY as well as other projects. I can actually sense, see, smell those things happening.

Still no word from Andrei. And there is a long road ahead. But, as the President said yesterday, 'We won't quit'. We have come far enough and the journey was painful. Broke but not broken, tortured but not beaten... I believe in US.

America, like any other country, has history of making mistakes. But is also the country of immense and real emotion.

It's been a week since Andrei has been on some train-type thing on his way to the camp. No word from, him. Not knowing what it's like there is difficult. I am trying to visualize it but can't. Hopefully this part will be over soon.

Shall is start laying out what i have gathered over the years on the Moscow theatre siege? Will anyone want to see this? I do need to know.

Andrei

I will soon be battling the Russian court system, again. Andrei is on the way to the prison camp. He needs to have an operation to remove the metal blades in his right arm-a very serious wound sustained as a result of an ambush during an operation three years ago. I will have to fight for that to happen, somehow. It is an exhausting battle with the windmills.

He fought and risked his life, EVERY day. That was his job and he was doing it for the people. Not the money, as the monetary compensation was laughable, for the people. He was so betrayed.

Some America-haters have already called US help in Haiti 'an occupation'. We just can't win with this type of immoral idiot.

CNN

CNN's coverage of Haiti earthquake aftermath was groundbreaking. It was emotional and riveting like never before, with reporters not only being there, but also helping and getting us further engaged. There were anger and tears, the reports were so alive. They were so full of heart. My love for CNN is unwavering.

HAITI

The catastrophe in Haiti has put under the magnifying glass the extreme poverty large part of the world is living in. This country was barely surviving in the best of times, and the humanitarian aid and monetary subsidies were not of much, because they reached the people. From Papa Duck to Pival, it is corruption all the way. In this terrifying situation there is absolutely no centralized control in Haiti itself and people are having their legs amputated under local anaesthetic. The total disregard for human life as well as death is evident-people are buried, nameless, in mass graves. This is not uncommon in poor countries and even Eastern Europe still has this to a degree. (To me one of the most compelling things about the Western democracies is that there is a fight for every single human life.)

For the first time ALL of us have been awakened to the extreme poverty many people live in this world, the images of which we are now seeing on our screens every day.

This is the time for true American leadership and a long-term commitment to Haiti, which we do see happening.

My fiance is about to be taken on the 'journey' from the jail he is in to the prison camp. I will not disclose the location just yet. This trip promises to be a tough one. Limited food-lack of personal food parcels, generally very bad conditions. He doesn't worry about it but I do. I won't hear from him that whole time, which could end up being a month or even longer. All i can do is tell him i love him.

I wonder how 100 years from now the great people of today will be researched and written about. Up until now the historic figures of the past are quoted from their diaries and correspondence with friends, relatives etc. 100 years from now will we be quoted from our email messages and facebook entries?

On a small boat, in East Africa

Russia-stuck in the same nasty place

Reading great historian Edward Radzinsky I find it fascinating that the descriptions of the state of Russia by some of the greatest thinkers of all time, given in the early 19th century are accurate to date. Young Alexander Pushkin spoke of people's inability 'to be awoken by a call of dignity' and that 'herds need not bare the gifts freedom'. Pushkin also refused to criticize the famous 'dandy' of the time - Petr Chaadaev, who in his open letter offered his view of Russia: the country forever stuck between the East and the West, unable to adopt anything good from either side; that Russia grows but never blooms and that something in its blood forbids even the slightest idea of progress; that its present is forever stale.

You know you're in a small pool of people who think alike when on the same day you get emailed the same cartoon (below) from over a dozen friends.

'May all the Bad Things stay in the previous year'.

Umar Farouk AbdulMutallab, who almost succeeded in killing close to 300 people on the Amsterdam-Detroit flight, was seen by his peers as a man of high moral standards."He was the guy that never broke the rules," Brako, his friend from school, recalled. "We all looked to him as our moral compass." And to him killing hundreds of people was part of his moral duty, dictated by religion. Very sad, tragic. What a waste of life, potentially that of those on the flight, and now-his.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! 2009 has been a tough year globally, and certainly very challenging for me personally.

According to Chinese calendar 2010 is a year of a white tiger. You have to admit, white tigers are pretty cool, so lets hope for the best.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness" The Declaration of Independence, July 4th, 1776

Brilliant

We spend money we don't have on things we don't need to impress people we don't like.

Deepak Chopra

NYC, Bryant Park

2010

From next year i will use the blog to post the materials on the Moscow theatre siege, complete with photographs, audio and video footage and English language translations.

Every day is different and today is tough. Painful. Knowing i must face what is to come but not knowing what it is. What will it be like... How will it feel...

After the verdict we wanted to get people together, actors, politicians, regular people, to oppose it, but very soon it became clear that no one will want to risk taking the hit, since it’s so obviously a ‘pre-ordered case’. On the day of the verdict the Judge told Andrei she was very sorry. How about that, Ladies and Gentlemen.

My Prison news

My fiance will soon be moved to a prison camp, which means i will finally be able to see him. When exactly it will happen is hard to say because this trip takes a while. As i was told 200 miles might take over a month to travel. I will also be working on the next stage of the appeal.

SNOW...LOVELY

We are snowed in here in New York. The piles of the white flakes bring such tranquility. Makes me think that countries such as Russia are saved by the snow. Without it the chaos and the manic depression of the country would have been even worse.

Russian government - a government that hates its own people, destroys them in their hundreds and deprives millions of any chance for a decent life, life with dignity. Human life there is worthless. And as a natural extension of that-human rights are non-existent even as a concept.

Horror...

ANOTHER DAY - ANOTHER TRAGEDY

More than 115 people have died so far as a result of a blast in a Russian nightclub.

I listen to this song today and sob. It feels like all that i still loved about Russia is leaving, disappearing. Everything and everyone with soul....leaving the place dead.

Legendary actor Vycheslav Tyhkonov died this morning.

He starred in one of the best Russian films 'Seventeen Moments of spring' about a spy in Nazi Germany during WW2.

US - Russia

The huge difference between American politics and, say, Russian, is that American president does not have a group of 100% devout supporters even in his own party. A whole number of Democratic congressmen and senators have out saying they will not support Obama's decision on Afghanistan. Some have also stated, in an ultimatum form, that the current administration has to create jobs soon, or else. The financing for the Afghanistan will probably go through because of the republican support but overall the decision might backfire for the president.

In US people's representatives actually care about their constituents.

Russian president or currently de facto man in control Putin enjoys absolute support of everyone in mainstream politics and as far as they are concerned he can do nothing wrong. To say that country is sick is an underestimation. And people's opinion means nothing.

Former military academy student is the main suspect in Russian train bombing.

When an explosive device detonated underneath one of the carriages of the Nevsky Express, that was travelling from Moscow to St Petersburg, three of the last carriages derailed, killing at least 26 and leaving over 100 people hurt. As 20 people remain unaccounted for and many of those hospitalised are still in critical condition, the investigation committee is offering first clues. Currently the main suspect is a former military academy student, Pavel Kosolapov, who allegedly joined underground militants in the North Caucasus in the late 90s and had since carried out a number of attacks that involve explosives.

Pavel Kosolapov was expelled from a military academy and, still holding grudges, had soon started dating a Chechen girl. The girl, in turn, introduced him to her family and friends and soon aspiring army man was talking to Shamil Basayev, Russia’s Osama Bin Laden. Since then the FSB (Federal Security Bureau) claimed that he has converted to Islam, while other sources say that he never has and is still called by his Russian name. It has also been said that he moved to Chechnya, where he was trained in training camps run by Arabs. Allegedly, Basayev soon decided to start using Kosolapov for preparing and carrying out terrorist attacks in central Russia as his Slavic looks meant he wouldn’t stand out. At least two attacks in 2004 are believed to be his doing: an explosion on the Moscow subway in February that killed 42 people and another one in march at a marketplace in Samara which took lives of 11 people. The same year Kosolapov was placed on Russia’s most wanted list but the hunt for him to this day resulted in nothing. The reason his name is being discussed now is the bombing of the train on exactly the same route carried out on the 13^th of August 2007. Only by miracle no one was hurt that time. Kosolapov has a signature style evident in last Friday’s bombing.

Shocking but must be seen-funeral for a young pregnant woman, killed in a train bombing

Pain for others is a necessary kind of pain.

NEVSKY EXPRESS

According to witnesses it rescuers an hour and a half to get to the people hurt in the Nevsky Express tragedy, when 4 carriages of the train derailed. Reportedly this a terrorist act. The express was traveling from Moscow the St. Petersburg. Witnesses are saying that those who weren't hurt spent over an hour going through people's bags looking for painkillers for those hurt in the tragedy. Just found out that my uncle's very close friend died there......

My sister Dana Pelevine

My recent published piece

Idiot

  

Since there are no other problems in the country PM Putin spent two hours of his work day at a rapper competition in Moscow, looking like an... (see above)

The last film of Oleg Yankovsky

This man, neither intelligent or well-spoken, nevertheless tells it how it is. For posting this appeal on Youtube he was already fired from his job. I fear this appeal will have little effect since people have reached a new level of indifference and those in power feel they are above this 'petty' stuff. 

Russian Major's appeal to Putin.

The tragedy at Fort Hood might not be just a senseless loss of young lives but may also result in   a wave of anti-Muslim tendencies.  Is the media making potentially dangerous assumptions or is America really facing a threat from home-grown terrorists? This attack does not appear to be a plotted and well-prepared act but the outburst itself could have serious consequences. 

Back when i smoked...

HRW

Deputy Director of Human Rights Watch calls work in Russia a form of suicide. Read into those words, carefully. 

Durango Herald News,

Durango Herald News,
Rights activist killed in Russia

THIS HOUR 7 YEARS AGO

It's 8.11pm in NY so 4.11am in Moscow. In 45 minutes 7 years ago the Russian secret services gassed the auditorium with 912 people in it. 60 people died on the spot, another 70-on the cold stairs of the building where they were put by the rescuers, in busses and ambulances that took then to the hospitals, and in hospitals themselves. To those who we lost that day i want to say the following: despite the desire of those in power to erase the memory of this tragedy, WE will not forget and we will not forgive this. 

Dailies

Sometimes after I talk to him I feel so down. Like it’s hopeless. So desperate. Like we’re on Titanic and already hit the iceberg. What a sloppy comparison.  A. said they now have the heating; it was turned on today for the first time. So, at least it won’t be cold. There is a rotation of people in the cell. He keeps saying he misses me. 

Director of Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger has started filming a movie based on the events in South Osetia a year ago-5 day war between South Osetia (really Russia) and Georgia. Andy Garcia is playing Georgian president Mikael Saakashvilli. The budget is 32 million US dollars and the filming is taking place in Georgia. Russians are already trying to politicise this of course.  

CAN ANYTHING BE MORE TASTELESS?

Here is an interesting documentary about prisons in Russia. A horrific reality. 

RUSSIANS ON HOLIDAYS

Shakespeare Rocks!

This is the project we took to Russia I named 'Shakespeare Rocks' and which was largely ruined because of our Russian partners. It was theatre in education project, which included a performance of extracts from Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet and a week of workshops. These included a whole range of exercises as well as working with specially designed workbooks.All in English!  I fought to bring it to at least some of the Moscow schools and we did. The kids cried when we were leaving. 

Our 'dailies'.

Andrei called telling me that he prepared soup for everyone in the cell made of macaroni and sausage, kalbasa. And that things are tough after the visit of big local bosses. They were asked by the guards to say that they’re treated ok. Some did. That didn’t turn out well for some reason.  The TV is turned off at 10pm and they are treated badly. I sent him my ‘private’ photos which were met with a little less than overwhelming enthusiasm.

My beloved Oleg in a beautiful film based on a story by Leo Tolstoy

A masterpiece

Amazing sequence from Andrei Tarkovsky's "Nostalgia".

My new project, currently titled State of the Heart, requires a lot of research into the world completely unknown to me, that of medical studies. I also wonder how much in that is off limits, classified in any way. The topic is interesting.  The risks and the liability and the thin moral line between testing the cure and curing.

PERSONAL

So, my parents divorced after 37 years. Was it a big mistake from the get go, yes, probably was. The mistake that resulted in two brand new people being born. Me and my sister. Never mind that. It's painful for my mother, and that hurts us too. Not the break up but her pain. 

7th of October 2009

Three years since Anna was killed. The time goes by fast, the loss doesn't become any less and the country is in stalemate. 

In Russian jails one is not allowed to keep a diary. Is this only in Russia? The inmates are also allowed only a few basic medical supplies and even those are often taken away. If one asks for a doctor, the likelihood of him showing up is small. 

My Godson

This is my Godson Christian Arseni, son of Anastasia Kurbatova, and nephew of Kristina Kurbatova, who died on 26th of October 2002 during the Moscow theatre siege.  She was only 13 years old. Kris was named after her. A beautiful boy we're proud of and pray for his great future. In America. 

NEW PROJECT

It looks like I'll be writing a screenplay based on Alexander Shmukler's novel Tetrada Fallo, about American heart surgeon operating on a Russian orphan with a seemingly deadly heart condition and then adopting her. I had a meeting with the author and it went well. Can't wait to start on it, and, hopefully, see it through. 

My anger can be explained

The popular notion in Russia is that America is no longer the major power and the new global leader is about to emerge. According to the consciously delusional  political analysts on the government TV channels it, of course, should be Russia. Because, yes! - the world should definitely follow the country where you might be lucky enough to find an incorrupt judge. Where the doctor will treat you like shit or not treat you at all unless you put some bribe money on the table. Where the only things solidly built are jails.

 

As our saga continues...

Patrick Swayze died yesterday after suffering from the pancreatic cancer, the same desease that took the life of my dear friend, the great Russian actor Oleg Yankovsky only 4 moths ago. A desease that is very hard to detect and has the lowest survival rate of all cancers. RIP wonderful Patrick Swayze. 

CONTINUED

 

The main problem of this country is not directly linked to the actions of the government but to the lack of actions from the people Just walking to the metro and getting on it you get the picture how much the before-the-crisis economic boost affected people’s lives. Not much is the answer. Like in the early 90s people are standing on the pathway selling colourful bathrobes (made in China), old skies and dry mushrooms. Stray dogs are sniffing at people’s bags looking for food. People are asking for money before you get into the metro, on the metro before you get on the train and on the train. Old women in headscarves, men in military uniform and kids. Some seem to cry from embarrassment.

Blunt assassinations of political opponents, attorneys, and journalists have become a norm. The announcement on the news of yet another assassination do not provoke a shocked reaction and blend easily with the dinner.

 Lies. When you are a person in power and you know you will not have to answer for what comes out of your mouth, you can say pretty much anything. Promises, threats, it all goes down without a hitch. 

Corruption has reached an unthinkable scale. Court system is not working. Justice is absent from it even as a concept.

Indifference. Russian people seem to have no faith in their own freedom. Their mentality genetically altered into submission. In general, people in Russia are unable to stand up for themselves, their constitutional rights and their freedom.

 

THE REAL STATE OF RUSSIA

By Natalia Pelevine

The effects of the economic crisis are becoming more tangible by the day. Rouble is weakening against both the US dollar and the Euro. Prices on the products of basic necessity are going up while people are losing jobs. All this while on the evening news Prime Minister Putin claims that rouble will become a reserve currency and that everything will turn out jolly well. Those who still have their jobs haven’t had their salary paid in two-three months. My neighbour, driver for a private textile company, my friend, journalist of one of the top selling newspapers and my buddy, Special Forces officer stationed in the problem region of Dagestan-all had their salaries held back. Private businesses are disappearing at the same scale they appeared in the early 90s. Stray dogs are sniffing at people’s bags looking for food. You see people asking for money before you get into the metro, then before you get on the train and on the train. Old women in headscarves, men in military uniform and children. According to official information during the last week of the number of unemployed has risen by 93 thousand now reaching 1,735 million people.

 

When the world has first entered the crisis zone, Russian officials were quick to call Russia ‘an island of stability’. It is still unclear what this statement was based on, what is clear is that it was false. Those in power have been choosing their words more carefully since then but are still attempting to paint a rosy picture using an old and reliable formula that goes like this: no matter what happens Russia is becoming stronger and will come out on top while America disintegrates. Very few believe what they’re saying and least of all themselves. The main problem of this country is in lack of action from the people more so than the actions of the government. When the government lies, no one calls their bluff and holds them responsible. There is no way of really knowing what’s happening with the economy because everyone knows aware of the games being played in the shadows. Corruption does not allow the economy to be transparent and therefore understandable accessible to the masses. Government in the meantime has gone back to trying to distract people with information about Russian enemies, oligarch Berezovsky and others. 

The paradox of this country has been and still remains as follows: no one knows what is going on and what the real situation is, with power division and economy among other things, except for those physically present in Kremlin.

Will this crisis have any political consequences remains to be seen. For now, it appears, Russian people should count solely on their own survival instincts.

 

CHEAP

In Moscow a Night of Shopping took place last week. This meant that throughout the night all major boutiques, from D&G to Burberry, hosted a herd of millionaires, millionaire's wives and lovers and a range of local celebrities.  The latter shopped, drank champagne,  devoured houre devres and posed for pictures. All this on the backdrop of millions of people are not being paid their $300 salaries, the production on many industrial objects is stopped leaving millions out of work; people ate facing cold and grim winter. What can become of a country where the combination of the two is perfectly OK?

Thoughts

Проблема России, исторически: 

Если человеческая жизнь ничего не стоит, то какое может быть отношение к смерти.

9/11

A very wet day in NY as we remember 9/11. The world eight years on is unstable and the tensions are running high. Those people trapped there before the building collapsed, making their last calls. Who would your last call be to?

Sadly, nothing new. My play about the Moscow theatre siege was banned last April after one performance.

GQ’s Provocative Article on Russia Will Be Hard to Find in Russia

By RICHARD PÉREZ-PEÑA

Published: September 4, 2009

Vladimir V. Putin consolidated his power in Russia a decade ago, in part by taking a hard line against Chechen separatists, whom the government had blamed for a series of bombings. In a long investigative article in the current issue of GQ, the writer Scott Anderson explores the possibility that the bombers actually had been working for the Russian government.

But those who have the most at stake in the matter, the Russian people, will be hard-pressed to read the piece. Condé Nast, publisher of GQ, decided not to send copies of the magazine to Russia, to post the article on GQ’s Web site or to include a translated version of it in any of the four magazines it owns in Russia, including a Russian version of GQ.

National Public Radio first reported the company’s moves on Friday, and obtained a memo by a lawyer for Condé Nast that goes so far as to decree that the article should not be publicized, reprinted in any of the company’s dozens of overseas magazines, or shown to Russian officials, journalists or advertisers anywhere in the world.

Maurie Perl, the chief spokeswoman for Condé Nast, declined to comment on any limitations the company had placed on the article, or the reasons for them. But, she said, “we’re mindful of the laws and issues in the countries we publish in.”

Unlike some publishers, Condé Nast routinely withholds articles from its Web sites to encourage people to buy the company’s magazines, including The New Yorker, Vanity Fair and Vogue. Most of the content in its publications abroad is original, but they do sometimes use translations of articles the company has published in the United States — and interest in Mr. Anderson’s article in Russia certainly would have been high.

Gawker.com, the media gossip and news site, posted images of the article, asked Russian-speaking readers to translate it, and began posting the translation.

A hunt for suicide bombers in Ingushetia.

Two cars and a truck loaded with explosives and driven by suicide bombers have reportedly entered the Republic of Ingushetia. The special operation to hunt them down is underway. It is likely that during the time since Russia has proclaimed the anti-terrorist operation in the North Caucasus finished, the rebel forces trained and prepared a whole number of 'martyrs'. President Medvedev has declared that the operation in the Caucasus was over at the time when i kept hearing from my sources that people are 'going to the mountains' i.e joining the guerrilla fighters in their dozens weekly. I was told that the problem for them right now is the lack of ammunition for all those willing to join them. This is the reality. The reality the government refuses to admit. The price of this denial will be, i fear, many lives of regular people. As always.   

FIVE YEARS AFTER BESLAN

The pain in us lives on but the Russian government and the media are ignoring the anniversary of this tragedy. The fact that it's not surprising doesn't make it less outraging. I will be calling my friends who lost their children in the school siege on the 3rd, because for the next 3 days they will be at the school, reliving what they went through and, most importantly, their children went through 5 years ago. They sit there without food or water for 3 days. And we grieve with them.  

Totally Personal.

Quitting smoking really isn't so bad. I know because I think I did it. No plasters or gum or any of that stuff, just told myself that this was it, and it was. Of course i had to put up with the morning coughing and sweating for a while but the gym visits are so much more fun now and the new energy level is great and my clothes finally smell of just perfume. 

Rest in Peace Teddy Kennedy. End of an era, as they say. True. 

Is the incident on hydro electric station a terrorist act after all?

The suicide brigade of  the underground movement Imarat Kavkaz 'Riyadus Salihiin'  has claimed responsibility for the incident on hydro electric station in Hakasiyan region, the largest one in Europe. Kremlin refused to comment on this news saying that this statement is ridiculous. Naturally. 

The incident at Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric plant might have been a terrorist act, as more and more experts say the official version doesn't hold water. The two such terrorist acts in one day is a very bad sign. It is unlikely the authorities will tell the truth, they are not used to it, especially when it's so unfitting.  

Terrorist attack in Russia, August 2009

  

A major terrorist act in Russia's Ingushetia. At the moment 20 are confirmed dead and the death toll is likely to rise at a military base in Nazran. A suicide bomber drove a minibus into the base and exploded. 

I fear this is only the beginning. 

It should also be mentioned that a number of authority reps have been stating to the press, no doubt prompted by Kremlin,  that the 'destabilization of the Caucasus region is handy for the US, UK and Israel', thus these countries are behind the attacks one way or another. 

The crazy talk we have heard too often and it's getting old. 

Generation Islam

Another great film from Christiane Amanpour on CNN - Generation Islam. And another scary statistic-1/3 of the Palestinian children when asked who they want to be when they grow up, said that they want to be martyrs.

Joy...

  

My Godson

Andrei and I are now proud Godparents of Christian Arseni O'Connor, son of Anastasia Kurbatova and Don O'Connor. Our beautiful boy is 5 and a half months old now, is growing fast and will soon have his first teeth. 

Confess...

Last few days and nights (especially them) have been tough. It's the breaking point i expected, when you have to push yourself not to slow down or give up.  And keep trusting your feelings. 

Got an email in spam: "Obama isn't helping? Try vicodin".  An ad for an online canadian pharmaceutical company. 

Russian prisons

Vladimir Vysotsky-a poet, a bard, died 29 years ago and, glad to say still very much remembered and loved. He was the inner voice of most Russians for over to decades. He was a voice of freedom and, yes, he was a genius. But had he loved now he probably wouldn't have liked the sate the country is in. Now, in 2009, i see him and all he stood for, as betrayed.