RenTV called and said that they're making a film about the explosion in our building because there is little trust in the official version of what happened. They said that many of the neighbors they spoke with feel the same way. I feel I must stay out of it. 

Painful...reminds me of us...

Animal Farm

While the progressive Russian youth, Nashi movement, was splashing in the river in the Seliger summer camp and Medvedev was meeting with Obama, i was walking the dusty roads of Zherdevka town, waiting for Andrei's and my fate to be decided. I came across a kiosk that, strangely enough, was selling tickets to a circus, which was in town for a few days, I saw a colorful tent in the background and could barely believe the irony. 

The security guard at the court house said he is not going to search me because he read about me in the papers (a rather strange reason). Local TV station dragged its equipment up the stairs to the court room. 

Not knowing is bad. It's like a battle taking place, between the good and the bad, justice and injustice, and you don't know who's winning. A little past eleven i took my seat on a stiff wooden bench of the courtroom. There, to the right of me, was a cage with people. One of the people in there was the man i want to spend my life with. We caught each others' eye and he smiled at me faintly. I smiled back. It was unbearably painful to see how it tears him apart to be in that cage. 

The judge came in and we were told to rise. 'The defendants may have the last word'.  Last word here, I thought to myself, is like a last supper somewhere in a Texan jail. 

Andrei's last word was very strong. I felt tears rolling down to my chin and hanging there until they rubbed them off.  

Then Judge Lebedeva announced that the verdict and the sentence will be announce in two hours. Two hours and forty minutes later she came in, all red and almost shaking. When she started reading the verdict her voice wobbled and she couldn't catch her breath. Some last minute decisions, perhaps even phone calls,  took place in that time, i gathered,  and i was pretty sure they had something to do with Andrei. We had to stand the whole of two and a half hours that she was reading the verdict. 

While she was reading out the verdict some of the defendants were reading magazines, that showed  how little faith anyone had in the real justice of what was being pronounced. 

'Andrei Yakhnev - 9 years and 8 months', i heard but still couldn't sit down and just tried to lean against the wall.  

I turned to look at Andrei but the man with the camera was blocking my view of him. I scanned across the grim faces of our lawyers. I felt lighter- was that the tiny bit of hope i had left, gone? I squeezed Andrei's hand on my way out and then sat in the lawyers car crying.

Andrei later told me that the judge came up to him, while he was still in the cage, waiting to be taken back to jail; she came without her cape, as a regular person, and said that she is sorry. That she understands everything but her hands are tied and this was the best she could do for him.

In a twisted reality of Russia Andrei, at least at first, almost seemed to appreciate that. Well, i don't. And whoever i have to fight and with whatever methods, i will do so. 

My smile might be gone for good but the gloves are also off.

Natalia Estemirova was killed. 

Sulim Yamadaev is alive, paralysed neck down. 

A man with a private prison for 28 cells with torcher chambers is one of the most popular figures in Russia. 

Bravo Russia!

Our Plea

Andrei IS innocent and we need all the help and support we can get.

Might this have had some impact?

Setence

Andrei was given 9 years and 8 months in 'strict regime' jail.

After the process, quite a bit later, the Judge Lebedeva came up to him, cape-less, and said that she is sorry; that she understands everything but that her hands are tied and she did all she could for him.

I think it is pretty clear what this means. Andrei considers this to be a very brave move on her part, which, in Russia's twisted reality, it is.

ENGLISH TRANSCRIPT OF ANDREI'S LAST SPEECH

Your Honor,

In my opinion throughout this process it has been proved many times that I am wrongfully accused of the things that are being incriminated to me. I would like to point out that the investigation process was of a ridiculously low quality, of which there are many examples.

Your honor, I still insist on my innocence. When I left to meet those people I was doing my job. And if you consider the specifics of my work, which has already been discussed here in Court, you must understand that I couldn’t have ignored the information I received and not gone there.

Since there were many discussions here about my professionalism I would like to quote you some numbers, if I may.

During 2007, as a result of the work of the MVD special operations group in Dagestan which I headed, and due to the information collected, 28 extremist fighters were killed, while the losses on the federal side have gone down and only 21 officers, one member of investigation unit and one judge were killed.

After the incident that happened with me the work of the MVD special operations group, which, among other things, dealt with agents and informants, was paralyzed or  ‘stopped until the case is resolved’. Now, here are the figures announced by the president Dmitry Medvedev on the 9/09/09 during his emergency visit to Dagestan. Over the period of one-year 62 officers of the federal forces were killed, as well as 9 FSB officers, 2 judges and 7 employees of the local court of justice. This amounts to 80 people in federal losses. Also killed were 12 high-ranking officials and religious leaders. Among them the minister of interior of Dagestan, first deputy of the high court, deputy of the regional investigation unit and the head of the FSB department of Hasavurt.

These numbers show that losses on the federal side have increased significantly while only 35 extremist fighters were eliminated. These numbers are a direct result of the disruption of the work done in connection to the dealings with agents and informants.

Your honor, I have spent most of my adult life serving this country. But I don’t feel it’s appropriate for me to talk about my own achievements here too much. The necessary papers are included in the case. I also can’t share a lot since, in some ways, I remain on duty even though I am incarcerated.

I served this country giving it my all. My health, my personal happiness, my life. I have been wounded many times, including two gunshot wounds to the head, two barotraumas, and three blast related concussions. Since 1996 every year I have spent between 120 and 200 days on the missions.

There are many unresolved questions with connection to this case. Why people who were armed and had not the best intentions in mind travelled over 1000 kilometres and only carried out the attack, that really appears more like a circus show, on a well-lit petrol station under CCTV cameras and in front of many witnesses.

Your honor, I have been taught to be soldier and I have been doing it all my life and I believe I was doing it well. I fought to protect this country, never thinking about my own safety or well-being. I hope, your honor, you will take this into consideration.

Thank you. 

Must Watch

Link for the audio from the court room

 files.mail.ru/N7VFQ1

I will soon attempt to upload audio materials from the courtroom. 

Andrei info

I will now start uploading information on him and case as well as the trial.


Родился 2/7/1975 в г. Моздок в семье служащей и рабочего.
В 1992 поступил во Владиковказское выcшее военное командное Краснознаменное училище им Кирова; окончил с отличием.
С 1996 проходил службу в отряде специального назначения «Витязь» в должности заместителя a затем камандира роты специального назначения.
С сентября 2001 сотрудник а затем руководитель группы зашифровки и легендирования.

C 2003 сотрудник Центра по борьбе с терроризмом МВД РФ а после реорганизации - в Центре «Т» в должности старшего оперуполномоченного по особо важным делам, направление - розыск лидеров и активных участников НВФ, пресечение путей финансирования а также лиц в менждународном розыске.
За время прохождения службы на всех должностях, во всех структурах принимал участие в спец командировках на территории СКР, ЧР, в странах СНГ и зарубежом
Ранен, контужен.

The US trip and the Washington visit were encouraging. I am hopeful.

How it will all play out on the 8th.....I spoke to his mother today. She doesn't seem to really understand the situation which is good. She is heartbroken but at least doesn't know all the details.

NY was beautiful today. My mood is, sadly, still the same. Mentally i am always in the same place-Andrei's case. Thinking ahead and trying not to at the same time.

The situation in the North Caucasus is looking hopeless. President Medvedev in his interviews appears genuinely scared, not simply concerned. That's where months of lies from the secret services and the never-ending local corruption get you.

R.I.P Michael Jackson. Thank you for your great talent.

As I was choosing a present for my friend's daughter Varya- a 3D puzzle and decided against the White House, a salesgirl said, 'I don’t like Americans either. I don’t know any or much about them, but I don’t like them for some reason; don’t even know why.'

Another footage from the play in Dagestan. I guess it was very daring.

North Caucasus is in a state of anarchy and is on a brink of descending into something terrible and bloody.

As always. News most regular.

NAZRAN, June 22 (Itar-Tass) - Ingush President Yunus-Bek Evkurov got a scull injury and several broken ribs as a result of the act of terrorism, a representative of the republican clinical hospital told Itar-Tass.

He confirmed that the President’s brother Uvais, 38 years old, was also injured.

A task group has been created in Ingushetia for investigating the attempt on the life of Yunus-Bek Evkurov, which is made up of officers of the republican branch of the Federal Security Service (FSB), the republican Interior Ministry and investigating bodies, said Kaloi Akhilgov, press secretary of the Ingush President.

According to his information, Evkurov’s condition is of medium graveness.

He said that the attempt on the life of the Ingush President had been staged at about 08.20, Moscow time, on the Caucasus Highway, 20 metres away from the turn to Magas. As a result of the explosion, the President and three guard officers were wounded and taken to hospital. Medical assistance is being rendered to them.

OLEG Yankovsky...

TABLE OF CONTENTS OF THE BOOK

Introduction.
1. The war forgotten.
2. Family night.
3. “Mommy, are these men in masks actors?”
4. Death or Paradise
5. No news is bad news
6. Relatives. Gym benches, doctors, TV screen and cups of coffee
7. A girl who wanted to stop them
8. President, Command Center and the International Pressure
9. Media and A new kind of celebrity
10. Terrorists ask for Anna Politkovskaya,
11. Accidental shooting
12. Negotiations, failing
13. “We will start executing hostages at dawn!”
14. The Gas
15. The operation proclaimed a success as bodies are being counted.
16. The aftermath and the many unanswered questions.
17. Families. Six years on.
18. Supporting materials: Investigation files, phone calls transcripts, photographs, plans, maps, etc.
Index.

Al Jazeera. I have no way of knowing if the translation is correct. For all i know i could be saying that a dead chicken spoke to me and i believe its message to be sacred.

RenTv

Some fragments of the play in Dagestan and the reaction of the audience. As well as the president Muhy Aliev.

My days as an agent))

Russian Military Cuts Leave Soldiers Adrift

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/12/world/europe/12russia.html?_r=1&hp

Happy RUSSIA DAY

A a of national unity or, formerly, "Day of the adoption of the Declaration of Sovereignty of the Russian Federation".

This is what hangs on the walls of the Nashi youth movement headquarters. I'm sure they've been put on a back-burner by Kremlin for financial reasons but when the time comes the puppeteer will reach into his sack and pull out his pretty doll once more.

North Caucasus

There are sign of another war in the North Caucasus looming. The situation there, no matter how optimistically portrayed in the media, is always like a blade inches from the neck. The very bad economic situation and the level of unemployment mean that at any point those fed up with this kind of life can turn to extremism. The level of corruption and the clashes between the clans bring it almost to the verge of anarchy. Now that the Interior minister of Dagestan and deputy head judge in Ingushetiya have been assassinated, a couple more of the same blunt attacks and all the hell with break lose. Russian forces will move in for 'control' and terrorists will reactivate.

Another scene

At the breakfast table. Man is in grey uniform.

Woman. Leave me some money.
Man. What for?
Woman. I need to buy shoes for the summer.
Man. What’s wrong with the ones you wore last year?
Woman. They are old.

Telephone rings. He jumps at the sound. She goes to answer it.

Woman. Hello? (Pause) Yes, one moment.

Hands him the receiver.

Man. (cautiously) Rojem Kinsky speaking. Hello? (listens with a confused face) What? (Pause) Right, yes. I don’t…Well…. Well, I do my best. Yes. Yes, thank you. That of course is not why…..Thank you. Yes. Goodbye.
Woman. What was that all about?
Man. (excitedly) They think I reported Sula!
Woman. But you didn’t right?
Man shakes his head. Goes up to the phone, picks up the receiver to ensure the other side did hung up. Drags his wife to the sink and lets water run.
Man. (whispers) But they think I did.
Woman walks back to the table and sits down to finish her breakfast.
Woman. (pouring herself tea) You must tell them.
Man. Shhh. You know what this means? I get a promotion and my own office so I don’t have to share with that mousy idiot anymore. And, you’ll like this one, we get a two-week vacation at a resort of our choice. I’m thinking the Blue Lake.
Woman. Who told them this? Sula himself?
Man. No, they said they’ve not been able to crack him on anything. They got it some other way.
Woman. He probably did it so that you will have a vacation. He knows how stingy you are. A good man. (weeps slightly)

Andrei

Prokuratura is asking for 15 year in jail for my fiance. Even the lawyer was shocked. I haven't spoken to Andrei since yesterday's hearing and I'm very worried. He needs to know I'm not giving up on him.

My interview after the gentlemen below banned my play. This particular one is pretty dramatic.

Грани-ТВ: Наталья Пелевайн о запрете своего спектакля

All my favorite people

A scene

Somewhere in the past/present/future. Night. Bedroom.

Man and Woman are lying in bed. Lights are out.


Woman. Why is the dog still barking?
Man. Go to sleep.
Woman. Maybe they’re still in there.
Man. No I heard the car drive off.
Woman. Maybe it was a different car.
Man. Go to sleep. (pause)
Woman. I can’t.
Man. How wrong can you turn out to be sometimes. He was a guest of honour at my last birthday.
Woman gets up.
Woman. Not to mention how you were groping his wife.
Man. She is pretty.
Woman. I’ll go and see how she is.
Man. They probably took her too.
Woman. No they haven’t I heard her yelling at the door. If she got to go with him she wouldn’t have been yelling. (Pause) It’s quiet now.
Man. She probably fainted.
Woman. The kids… I better go see her.
Man. Get back here! And don’t speak so loudly for Chris sake!
Woman. They are good people.
Man. I said don’t speak so loudly! (pause) I suspected something for some time.
Woman. Right.
Man. I did.
Woman. Whatever you say. Someday someone might be saying that about you.
Man. How dare you?! The SCA needs me!*

Woman puts on a dressing gown and starts to move towards the door.

Man. So you want to be a hero? You want to go there and feed the crying children and make her better with the smelling salts? Not giving a damn about your own family. I’m getting chest pain. Get me some water.

She brings him a jug of water.

Man. Are the streetlights off?
Woman. (standing by the window) Yes.
Man. Thank God. It means it’s over.
Woman. For the night it is.
Man. Come to bed.
Woman. (wipes her eyes) The dog is still barking.


*SCA – State Control Apparatus.

Many people in this country make 10,000 roubles (less than $300) a month and have not been getting even that money for months, because the factories have closed. Canned meat, bread or potatoes make up dinners in many cases. How long will they tolerate this kind of existence? This country is in default.

W.

Oliver Stone's W. , the film about George W. Bush is not just extremely watchable because of the director's skill. To me the fact that a portrayal of a leader, even if a very unpopular one, can come out so soon after he steppes down as president. And of course there were no limitations as to how he was being portrayed. This kind of creative freedom is worthy of envy.

Andrei's cell was raided again yesterday. And the worst part is not what they take, which is sometimes down to a pack of biscuits, but the humiliation. His resolve to stay above it is strong but it still feels disgusting. Like all the good people disappeared from the face of the planet.

I am in a bit of a bad emotional shape right now. But it is true that Andrei won't deal with it well if i break. So, i can't.

You will never be forgotten.

Oleg Yankovsky...

One of the greatest Actors of our times, a Great and Wise Man and a friend Oleg Yankovsky has died this morning. A man so noble and dignified at all times. A man who didn't look for riches and stayed out of politics, even though he status allowed him to do whatever he wanted. A unique actor, a kind and generous man. It hurts too much right now to even be able to phrase anything that could remotely do him justice. Thank you, for everything... I love you Oleg and i will for the rest of my life.

Anniversary

It's a cold and rainy day today in London. Exactly 20 Years ago, on the 19th of May 1989, which happened to be a warm and sunny day, we left Soviet Union to come to Great Britain. We travelled to the airport in a cortege of 4 cars-all my grandparents and uncles and my best friend came to see us off. A dozen suitcases, everyone crying and my 3-year-old kid sister not understanding what was going on. 'Try to stay strong', one of my uncles said to me. We weren't leaving for good, at least we didn't think we were. I remember just feeling that something big was happening and being excited that i will finally have a taste of and maybe even get to know the whole other world, i've heard so much about. And i was scared, a little bit, because i didn't know how that world would react to me. I am crying right now. Why am i crying? Some sort of sadness I guess, that i can't even explain. 2 years later Soviet Union collapsed and we didn't go back. The country began to mutate and still hasn't stopped. These tears are for grandparents that are gone, for the friends i never see, for the chances this country and I have lost and wasted. But i will try to stay strong......

When Radio Liberty was interviewing me after the article in The Independent, i should have just said, look, i am not too concerned for my own life but i am about his and so my answers will not be what you would like to hear.

Again, would appreciate comments.

Another part of the book

The optimistic tone of the evening news was just what the doctor ordered. The war was too far away for most to really relate to or care. Many did however make sure their own sons skip the army duty. Overall, there was much for the Russian people to look forward to. Little did they know what preparations were being made while they sat around their kitchen tables, having their evening meal.


Moscow, Russia, 23rd of October 2002.
Day 1

A typical mid-show interval: one is in line for wine and snacks at the bar, while another is in line for the bathroom. Since in musicals there are often many children in the audience in the bathroom queue once can hear dialogues such as ‘You can’t have ice-cream, you won’t finish it in time’. Or ‘I’ll explain what happened in that bit later’.
A similar scene was taking place during the intermission in the foyer and the hallways of the vast building of the house of culture, in the heart of Moscow, which housed the musical Nord Ost.

At that time musicals were a relatively new concept in Russia.Unlike Western exports like Chicago and 42nd Street, this was the first original Russian musical. Nord Ost (North East) is based on a WW2 themed 1944 novel by Veniamin Kaverin, ‘The Two Captains’. With 32 actors in the cast, including 11 children, a live orchestra of 30 and a number of special effects, it was by all standards a major production. By October 2002 it’s been running for over a year and still gathered full houses. It was very well advertised and talked about.

House of Culture on Moscow’s Dubrovka street, only four miles away from the Kremlin, is a typical Soviet town hall build in the 1970s. It is a solid, concrete building with not much architectural value, made up of three floors and a mezzanine, with a set of glass entrance doors and full size glass windows on the second floor. It has a large inclined auditorium, which seats around 1500, and dozens of rehearsal and office spaces, as well as storage and basement areas. From the fall of 2001 it has been a home to the musical Nord Ost.
On a rainy October evening about 810 people came to see the show, looking to have a good time

8.40pm
Svetlana Gubareva, Small Business manager, Row 17, Seats 24-26:
We were in a celebratory mood. On that day we found out that my fiancé’s visa application was approved. This meant we could all go to America. My fiancé Sandy, my daughter from a previous marriage Sasha and I. We could all finally be together. As we were passing by the store that sells theatre tickets we decided to treat ourselves and see some musical to celebrate. Since at the time there were billboards everywhere advertising Nord Ost, that’s the one we chose. Mentality of an average consumer, I guess.

Only a few miles away, in one of Moscow’s backstreets, men in heavy overcoats were loading large bags into a black VW minivan. They spoke in an unfamiliar language. A rare passer-by did not pay much attention or chose to stay out of trouble. Similar scene was taking place in two other locations.

Irina Fadeeva, Single Mother, Row 11, Seats 48-50:
The four of us, my sister, her daughter, my son and myself had some snacks during the intermission and went back to our seats before the bell rang. I was feeling gloomy that day and wished we hadn’t gone to the show but didn’t want to spoil the mood for the others.

Just before 9pm a red Volkswagen Caravella microbus pulled up on the parking plaza in front of the theatre. There were many parked cars otherwise the plaza was empty. About a dozen men jumped out and headed towards the main entrance of the theatre.
At the same time a Jeep Dodge and a Ford Transit stopped on the street leading up to the parking plaza. More men got out, moving fast. They also headed towards the house of culture.

In the meantime, during the intermission, behind the firmly shut doors of the toilet cubicles, young Chechen women were pulling black dresses over their jeans and colourful jumpers. They sat through the first half of the show as audience members.


Svetlana Gubareva:
We were back in our seats and the second half of the show started. The lights went down and I switched off my phone again. One of the first numbers of the second act was the dance of the pilots. It was a rather lively and uplifting tune.

Two dozen men in camouflage, with AKs in their hands and in facemasks marched into the empty theatre foyer. Seeing this harrowing sight the security guard escaped on foot.

8.55 pm
Marina Krylova, Floor manager:
As the floor manager of the musical, during the intermission I always do some work in my office. Almost right after the bell rang and the second half started, I heard an unusual amount of noise in the foyer. When I come out of my office I froze. Scores of men in face masks and camouflage, heavily armed were heading towards the auditorium.

Terrorists were moving in a quick, controlled manner. One group took the stairs to the second floor, while another proceeded towards the auditorium doors on the first floor.

Svetlana Gubareva:
I happened to turn my head and saw men in fatigues and with machine guns followed by women dressed all in black coming down the left aisle. Women had hand grenades and pistols. I only knew what a hand grenade looked like from war movies. Then I looked to my right and saw the same sight. As they moved down the aisle, women stopped at regular intervals. I counted nine on each side.

When terrorists appeared in the auditorium the orchestra was still playing. They couldn’t see anything down from the orchestra pit.
As the terrorists marched down the aisles one of them appeared on stage from the left wing. He held his machinegun high up in the air. When no reaction came from the stunned actors he yelled ‘Davai, Davai! ’ and fired a few shots into the ceiling, forcing bits of plaster fall onto the stage.

A very funny saying in Russia: If you have paranoia it doesn't mean that you're not being watched. I find it very amusing.

Cheesy, i know. )))

Would love some feedback on the book idea. I posted a bit of it.

Were Soviet people better than the people living in this country now, i sometimes wonder. They were more pure and kind perhaps, and had a certain set of morals that is absent now. They weren't so corrupted when it comes to the delicate issue of a human soul. Ideology was like a glue that held everything together, including spirituality (if i may) of the people. On the other hand the very same people turned a blind eye when a next door neighbor they celebrated birthdays with was taken away in the middle of the night and no one would have even went to comfort his fainting wife and crying children. If the soul wasn't corrupted, the mind was. Trying to go back to sleep the 'good' neighbor was probably thinking 'can't believe we though he was a decent guy'. Or might have been concerned that he'll be next. And one by one they went, men and women disappearing into the night, while the country applauded its own new achievements. The higher ideological, mythical even reality was more important than a human life. The image was all-marching and reporting on a daily basis about the harvest and a 'hero' who milked more cows that the others.
In 2009, the souls, at closer examination, are so empty there is an echo. And the minds are corrupted just the same. People, often innocent, are rotting in jail in preliminary custody; political assassinations are commonplace; old women are begging on the streets or selling the last they have-books and ceramic figurines. But what's really important to the Russian people is that Eurovision song contest is held in Moscow (and cost 40 million dollars that could have been much better spent) and everyone wants to make sure that the show is the most impressive (and expensive) in history. With Russians it's about ego and pride.
It has never been about anything more than an empty shell.

From my new book

***
Moscow 2007
Next time I came to Moscow I called Andrei and he asked if he could take me to dinner the same night. The puzzle of a man that he still was to me I knew by this point that he could never plan too far ahead. A day ahead even.
He picked me up around 9pm on his black BMW, in a grey suit and no tie. What bothered me was the Stechkin gun in a holster hanging off his belt. When he came out of the car to greet me I kept thinking ‘My god, people can see he has a gun’.
Over dinner at a fancy Moscow restaurant we talked about London and some other insignificancies, when he got a call.
‘Still at work?’ I asked, but he was already in a middle of a conversation, which I couldn’t hear a word of, even though I was sitting right next to him.
‘We have to go’, Andrei said putting the phone in his pocket. ‘Shall I take you home…or do you want to wait’.
‘I’ll wait’, I said, simply not wanting to let it end like this.

I sat on a top floor of some restaurant, not far from Lubyanka, having one coffee after another and a little wine, to numb the stupidity I felt. For three hours.
‘I’m outside’, I finally heard his voice on my phone.
A gang of stray dogs walked me to his car.

‘Can we now please go to your place?’ insistence in my voice more than a question. Damn, he will think I am a whore, went though my head. Or a spy.
He paused for a moment and started driving, in silence.
The elevator in the apartment block we arrived at was akin a swear word dictionary. When the elevator doors opened, leaving the gentleman manners aside, Andrei walked out before me. I was soon to get used to this since he always walked in and out of places first, few steps before me.
The apartment consisted of a room, a kitchen and a toilet.
A pile of training shoes in the hallway, a large bed and a TV in the bedroom/living room area was all there was. Empty fridge and a book on a toilet floor.

‘I have to fly out in three hours’ he said flatly.
An hour later he was packing, throwing things into a green sack. He pulled out a knife, of very light metal.
I took into my hands and before he swiftly grabbed it from my hands it left a thin red mark in the middle of my palm.
‘This was a gift from the Delta guys while I was out there. It’s made out of the meteor metal’.
We left his place around 1am.
‘Shall I take a cab’, I asked.
‘No. It’s on the way.’
The military airbase I learned later was only a few miles east from where I was staying.

***
Tambov prison. 2008.
Andrei was put in the cell with the former officers. The law forbids to put former officers in the cell with the suspected criminals. The mobile phones are sneaked in by the prison wards for an x amount of cash. The same wards would then raid the cells a few days later so that they can get poor relatives to pay up again. This, as well as other similar tricks, substituted their miniscule salaries. The food is miserable and towards late spring it became unbearably hot. But, at least we are able to communicate.

Sitting in a (surprise surprise) Starbucks on the upper west side. Noise. Verbal dust. Another coffee. How many have I consumed over the last 23 years? Well not exactly 23 because about 9 of those years were apple juice cartons and 4 were cans of coke and 3 were bottles of water as I was at the popular anorexic stage. So that totals 7 years of pure caffeine. I'll leave it at that.
There's a magazine on the rack called "Modern Dog". Is the owner supposed to read that to ensure they're dog is as modern as they are...or is the "modern" dog supposed to read it over doggy milk and doggy muffins to get the latest tips on designer collars and the lastest anti-flee spray? To be honest, I'd rather not know the answer to that question.
On my way to this three-billionth Starbucks, I was walking across the Lincoln Square plaza, armored in my shimmering bride-esque raincoat, my red curls (well not exactly curls but wanna-be ones) twirling in the breeze. A perfect Sex and the City portrait. And all the while all I could think was "I want my toothbrush back" from that man. Not because of heartbreak and the idea that if I come pick it up he might take me in his yoga arms and proclaim how much he's missed me. NO. I want it back for the simple reason that at this time I cant AFFORD another pink radius toothbrush like that. SO I deserve custody of the traumatized brush that has refreshed my teeth in this 7 week RELATION-SHIT. Allow me to be spiteful-I've just spent the last hour in the diamond district selling all the gold I own. Its a good time for gold. At least gold is having a good fucking time.

I will also make an appeal to both president Medvedev and president Obama, which for me might be that much easier. Formally.

I think Human Rights Organizations will have to get involved, because the way Andrei has been treated since a piece in The Independent came out about his/our story is despicable.

New baby, new life

My friend Nastya Kurbatova gave birth to a healthy baby boy in Orlando, Florida. He was given the name of Kristian Arsenio O'Connor, named after Kristina (13) Nastya's sister, and Arseni (12) - young actors who died during the Moscow theatre siege. He is now two months old and is growing amazingly fast.

US-Russia

The US-Russia relationship, providing the tone of the dialogue will remain soothingly calm, will depend on the actual actions on both sides. U.S. President Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev announced that their countries will soon begin negotiations on reducing their nuclear arsenals, and that's a step. Something, on the US side will have to be done about the Missile Defence System while Russia must tone down its anti-American mood. President Obama is open to conversations on pretty much anything so this opportunity cannot be missed by Russia. Unless Russia is determined to remain a recluse.

Need to say this

I feel it has to be said that neither I nor Andrei had any control over what would go into the piece in The Independent and how the story would be told or what issues might be brought up. In other words we had no part in actually writing the article and saw it only when it came out. In fact when i asked Shaun Walker, the journalist, if i could see it before it was printed, i heard a firm 'no'. This deserves my utmost respect and is called the free press.

Judging by the hysterical reaction in some quarters, to President Obama's handshake with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, or his bow to Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah, you would think that America's national security rested solely on body language not sound policy.


The presidential handshake between Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez spurred many comments.

But just for the record, let's not forget that President George W. Bush kissed and held hands with the same Abdullah after 9/11, while also looking deep into the soul of Vladimir Putin. And a generation earlier, egged on by British Prime Minister "Iron Lady" Margaret Thatcher, President "Tear Down That Wall" Ronald Reagan, decided that indeed Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev was a man he could do business with: the business of ending the Cold War.

While Obama has not managed in 100 days to defeat Islamic militants, usher in a Middle East peace treaty or disarm North Korea, on these and other issues he has laid down some important groundwork. Most importantly, the global polls following his first overseas trip show he has begun restoring America's name and reputation, key ingredients to successful policy making.

Even before stepping onto foreign soil, Obama began by ordering the infamous Guantanamo Bay detention center closed, thus returning the United States to upholding the very same rule of law it preaches to other nations. He also has stated over and over again that "America does not torture," thus returning the United States to leading on human rights, not cherry-picking them.

To those such as former Vice President Dick Cheney who claims this will make America more vulnerable, even some former Bush administration officials now concede that rigorous but patient above-board interrogation has proven to yield better, more reliable intelligence than a rush to the waterboard.

Obama has kept a campaign pledge and given a fixed date for ending the unpopular U.S. war in Iraq. "Let me say this as plainly as I can: By August 31, 2010, our combat mission in Iraq will end," he announced.

Yet the perils are clear. Hundreds of Iraqi civilians have been killed in Baghdad and other cities in a surge of sectarian violence since January. The Obama administration and U.S. military leaders are playing it down, blaming the suicide bombings on a few militant cells. That brings back memories of Cheney and former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld blaming a "handful of dead-enders" as the original insurgency was getting into full swing. Much work still needs to be done to stabilize Iraq militarily and politically.

Drawing down in Iraq means surging in Afghanistan, which along with Pakistan is still viewed as the central front on terror. "If the Afghanistan government falls to the Taliban or allows al-Qaeda to go unchallenged," Obama said in March, "that country will again be a base for terrorists."

So he has ordered 21,000 new U.S. troops there by summer. But for all the talk of more boots on the ground, negotiating with moderate Taliban and beefing up Afghan security forces, danger will persist unless the Afghan people see more of a peace dividend. As Obama himself recognizes, "There will be no lasting peace unless we expand spheres of opportunity for the people of Afghanistan and Pakistan."

Since we...

.... have no way of knowing what might follow the publication in The Independent, we reserve our right to stand tall and with dignity. Our feelings for each other are stronger than ever. Yesterday Andrei said to me that i am the most important person in his life.

Loneliness is difficult to bare but not nearly as bad the sense of the unknown. Like jumping out with a parachute, not sure if it will open or not.

This is how it pans out.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/passion-deadly-secrets-and-betrayal-in-putins-russia-1671597.html

My baby sister in Chekhov's The Seagull.

A much treasured photo.

Something rather odd about this photo.

Counter Terrorism Operation in Chechnya is over. But is terrorism?

A day after Chechen President Kadyrov announced that the Counter Terrorism Operation' in Chechnya is over, rebel fighters have reminded everyone of their presence by engaging in a battle with the federal forces. I fear this will repeat many times over. They don't ant to be written off so their activity will be on the rise. Grozny with its shopping malls and fountains is not much more than a 'potemkin village'. Doku Umarov and the lot in the mountains, who are still living in the conditions of war (not a counter terrorism operation), will start involving young people from mountain villages and beyond with more vigor.

Why and for what reason does one stand by the person put in the most horrendous position, betrayed by colleagues and friends? Firm belief in his innocence is one. Inability to withstand such crude form of injustice is another. But what keeps you going day after day when sometimes you just want to crawl into a whole from too much pressure and too many responsibilities. But...if you give up on him then the world gives up on him and then...it's over. A good man doesn't deserve it.

?

There is a place in Moscow, a brothel, where women pay cover charge and take home whatever they make from whatever it is that they do. The place calls itself a theatre since it does a show-girls, or rather their silhouettes, dance behind a curtain for a few minutes, so... they're a theatre and pay taxes off their 'modest' income. Does anyone know if this happens in other places in the world? I don't mean the existence of brothels of course.

It's been the most draining few months of my life that i have spent here, in Russia. It is this draining, I'm sure, in any place where justice does not exist. The daily trauma of having someone you care about in jail pretty much outrules any form of social activity. Luckily i will soon be able to channel it all to affect. To have affect in proper framework with proper results.

This is Zherdevka, 130 km from Tambov, where the hearings in my fiance's case are taking place.

But really, it's all rosy.

It's late. Can't sleep; too many things rushing madly through my head.A break to see in the photo of there is any fear in my eyes. Or only concern.

A store in a Moscow metro

Guns sold next to toys.

the ugly word fear

It is so painful to see people who are being drowned not want to make it public out of fear. It's everywhere.

Book

I am in two minds about what title i should give to my book. The working title at the moment is Theatre Of Terror. Not sure if it's too Hollywood-y. The process itself is a bit difficult. At times i feel i am too emotionally engaged in it.

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Ангелина Храмцова, 1 год и 3 месяца.
Ангелине Храмцовой сейчас чуть больше года, в полугодовалом возрасте девочке поставили диагноз, прозвучавший как приговор: опухоль мозга. Три операции по постановке шунтов и шесть месяцев химиотерапии результатов не дали... Врачи развели руками. Но вопреки всем мрачным прогнозам девочка живет и отчаянно борется за жизнь. И ее двадцатилетняя мама Елизавета Храмцова тоже борется за жизнь дочери:

"... каждую ночь провожу с Линой вобнимку. Не могу представить, как жить без нее. Иногда кажется, что все, предел, сил больше нет, я тоже не железная... Но я не cдаюсь, найду силы и пойду дальше спасать мою малышку.."
Отнимая один шанс, судьба всегда даёт другой. У Ангелины он тоже есть. Немецкие врачи согласились сделать девочке операцию. Лину ждут в Германии 12 марта. Конечно, ее будут ждать и после, но с каждым днем шансы тают, а значит, счет идет не на недели даже, а на дни...

Sulim Yamadaev, a commander of a Chechen Special Forces brigade and a Hero of Russia, was shot and killed in Dubai. And no mentioning of this on any of the state controlled TV or radio stations. This is not surprising since all the evidence points to the Putin appointed Chechen president Ramzan Kadyrov. The most that will happen is he will be told off in private. Medvedev, contrary to what some optimists might be saying, is still powerless and Kremlin still doesn't care about its image in the eyes of the civilised world.

Ramzan Kadyrov is on his way to establishing Chechnya as an Islamic republic and, i have no doubt, his goal is to some day make it into an Islamic state. An ambitious man convinced of his own greatness and unique place in history for whom having reasonable amount of sovereignty will eventually not be enough. He recently introduced a law which allows to sell alcohol only two hours per day and a number of other shariat orientated laws. He publicly encouraged Chechens to embark on pilgrimage and announced a plan to build international airport. Few days ago Kadyrov has voiced that the counter-terrorist operation in Chechnya is over and all the federal troops must leave the region.

Novaya Gazeta

As I was waiting for my friend at Novaya Gazeta a pale and skinny middle-aged woman walked into the reception with a bunch of papers stapled together covered in small handwriting. She put the papers in mailbox, especially there for this purpose. "They do check this mail, don't they?" "Twice a day".
For many people Novaya Gazeta, the island of honest, objective, fearless press, is the last chance to claim some form of justice.

Russian Florists' Day

Today is Florists' Day in Russia. 8th of March, The International Women's day, it is celebrated in Russia with more vigor than in any other country (UK and US are largely unaware of this holiday). It's a day when men, by giving women flowers, are basically saying that they can stick around for a bit. The rest of the time womens' position in this country is rather unfortunate. Not much has changed since the Soviet times, when women were expected to work the same amount of hours; buy and prepare food after work; wash, clean and care for the kids, covering both working mom and housewife basis. And at any moment they could be reminded that they must know their place (no specifics of which were ever offered). Women have gained a new role, however, that of a sex toy, in a dirty, ugly, derogatory sense.
So, at the end of the day, a bunch of roses or tulips is nice but does not translate into genuine respect or even love.

THE REAL STATE OF RUSSIA

The effects of the economic crisis are becoming more tangible by the day. Rouble is weakening against both the US dollar and the Euro. Prices on the products of basic necessity are going up while people are losing jobs. All this while on the evening news Prime Minister Putin claims that rouble will become a reserve currency and that everything will turn out jolly well. Those who still have their jobs haven’t had their salary paid in two-three months. My neighbour, driver for a private textile company, my friend, journalist of one of the top selling newspapers and my buddy, Special Forces officer stationed in the problem region of Dagestan-all had their salaries held back. Private businesses are disappearing at the same scale they appeared in the early 90s. Stray dogs are sniffing at people’s bags looking for food. You see people asking for money before you get into the metro, then before you get on the train and on the train. Old women in headscarves, men in military uniform and children. According to official information during the last week of the number of unemployed has risen by 93 thousand now reaching 1,735 million people.

When the world has first entered the crisis zone, Russian officials were quick to call Russia ‘an island of stability’. It is still unclear what this statement was based on, what is clear is that it was false. Those in power have been choosing their words more carefully since then but are still attempting to paint a rosy picture using an old and reliable formula that goes like this: no matter what happens Russia is becoming stronger and will come out on top while America disintegrates. Very few believe what they’re saying and least of all themselves. The main problem of this country is in lack of action from the people more so than the actions of the government. When the government lies, no one calls their bluff and holds them responsible. There is no way of really knowing what’s happening with the economy because everyone knows aware of the games being played in the shadows. Corruption does not allow the economy to be transparent and therefore understandable accessible to the masses. Government in the meantime has gone back to trying to distract people with information about Russian enemies, oligarch Berezovsky and others.

The paradox of this country has been and still remains as follows: no one knows what is going on and what the real situation is, with power division and economy among other things, except for those physically present in Kremlin.
Will this crisis have any political consequences remains to be seen. For now, it appears, Russian people should count solely on their own survival instincts.

ASSASSINATIONS? ALAS, IT IS MOST COMMON.
Moscow, Russia


Puddles of melted snow and militia with German Shepherds. People with traditional funeral flower, red carnations that I seem to buy too often these days, are lining up to the coffin of Stanislav Markelov, the attorney shot and killed, along with a young journalist Anastasia Babyrova, in broad daylight in central Moscow on Monday. I take my place in line, among well-known human rights activists as well as youths with nose rings and green hair. One of the gravediggers, as they pass through the crowd, notes in a somewhat inappropriately upbeat tone that it started to rain.

Seeing a few TV crews I think to myself that a funeral of someone assassinated this way in America or UK would have had live CNN coverage. And, indeed, I notice that CNN crew is present here, unlike the Russian government channels. Markelov was know for taking on tough, controversial cases, that uncovered some ugly facts about corruption among Russian government officials, as well as kidnappings, torture and murders in the southern republic of Chechnya. The case of murder of a Chechen girl by Russian Army colonel was perhaps the best publicised one but not the most potentially dangerous.

It is also no accident that the journalist killed along with the attorney worked in Novaya Gazeta. In the atmosphere of censorship and self-censorship in the Russian media Novaya Gazeta is unique. It has an incredibly strong investigation unit and is a newspaper whose goal it is to talk about the things that are wrong with Russia, as that is the only way to attempt to cure the society and the system. Novaya Gazeta has had five of its journalists killed over a period of few years, including Anna Politkovskaya, to whose murder in 2006 Vladimir Putin was forced to respond by foreign journalists. In a healthy society and a free country one should be free to criticise the policies of the government, choose without fear to represent in court people who’ve been crushed by the system, expose through writing government’s dirty ugly secrets. Today Russian political regime, which keeps sliding towards being totalitarian, roots and flourishes on war, terrorism and corruption, using instability as one of its playing cards.
In Russia, as soon as you take on certain taboo subjects, as a journalist, a writer or an attorney, good people around you start telling you that they admire your courage and that they are concerned for your safety. I seem to have these conversations practically on a daily basis. Of note is the silent response of Kremlin to the most recent murders. Agenda of its residents, evidently, does not take such minor factors into consideration.

There is one thing I now absolutely believe - even though those in power might not have directly ordered the assassinations, they side with the killer and not their victims.

Anastasia

Assassinations becoming a norm

Another person assassinated in Moscow, an attorney, Stanislav Markelov. He worked on a number of controversial cases and represented the family of a Chechen girl, raped and killed by a Russian officer. With Markelov was shot yet another Novaya Gazeta journalist, 25 year-old Anastasia Babyrova. She later died in hospital.
Same blunt way-middle of the day, 3pm, in the very heart of the city.
It feels like there is handful of decent, honest, courageous people left in Russia and I think each and one of them now feels threatened. The rest-are either dancing in 'Stars on Ice' or watching it.

My Interview with the Chairman of Islamic Committee of Russia Geidar Jemal on the topic of illegal immigrant workforce.

Natalia Geidar, how are you involved in the topic of illegal immigration in Russia?
Geidar I’ve been interested in the topic of displaced persons as a broad topic for a long time. Those who end up in other countries and sometimes form Diaspora and sometimes don’t. People, who are forced to function in a different cultural or ethnic environment. There are many stages. First, these people have to focus on their ethnic origins the so home they came from. This can create ghetto or Diaspora.
Natalia Those who come here to make money do they form Diaspora?
Geidar Not yet, but they are in a process. Right now where they are, where they live is bedevil, the worst form of ghetto. In terms of people, there are different cases. Some came here in early 90s, who fled for political reasons. In recent years illegal immigrants have been coming here to just make some money. They are mainly Muslim. Political element is what turns ghetto into Diaspora.
Natalia How does the government treat them?
Geidar Well, on the one hand they need this cheap work force. They also have to stay within some form of political correctness. But they create negative reaction from the rest of the society and say, well, this is how people feel. Those who express their dislike with the presence of the immigrant workforce here also differ. There are skinheads who cut off Tajik workers and students heads off; as we know, there have been many cases. This part is done for media. There are also former militia whose function is to put pressure on immigrants and use them. They are very severe in their methods to put it mildly. Their practice is to come to those ghettos and take people away as slaves. Actual slaves. Young men are taken away by force to unload carriages, lay bricks etc for no money. These poor people work for 15 hours or more and are given a loaf of bread for 10 people. Then they’re taken back to the ghetto.
Natalia This militia don’t do it for themselves, right? So where does the order come from?
Geidar It’s business for them. They get an order from someone to bring such and such amount of slaves and they do what they do, since it goes completely unpunished.
Natalia Immigrants have no one to complain to?
Geidar They can’t do anything, since even the official work papers they were given get destroy.
Natalia So they have no rights at all…
Geidar They have no rights. The facts I’m giving you are a result of a journalistic investigation that I initiated. We went to these ghettos and talked to people. Most of it was cut out and they aired only some of the material we shot. Propaganda tells you that those workers are non-people. Even journalists like the ones I was doing the investigation with felt the same. But what they saw when we went to those ghettos shocked them. They saw educated people, teachers, nurses, middle class really. Living in those appalling conditions they manage to preserve dignity and a moral values; they even feed some Russian homeless sometimes. Within the ghetto there is no crime. When they saw it they weren’t sure what to do with it.
Natalia What are the living conditions like there?
Geidar Awful. Imagine a doghouse enlarged to the size of a room. No electricity, no heating, no windows and around 8 people live in it.
Natalia Where are these ghettos located?
Geidar They are all over, just outside Moscow. They are very much out of the sight.
Natalia Can the immigrants go home?
Geidar Many can’t. They often don’t have any valid papers for their own country anymore. They speak many languages but legally they don’t exist. People, who don’t exist. There are officially 12 million people like that in Russia. I can’t say how many of them are Ukrainians or Belarus. But in terms of Muslims I know that there are around a million immigrants from Tajikistan, more than a million of those from Kyrgyztan and around 2 million Uzbeks.
Natalia You plan to keep working on this topic?
Geidar Yes. I think this should be a topic that’s important to president Medvedev as he officially announced war on corruption. This is where illegal cash rotates. Bribes and extortions alone come to 140 million and more annually. On top of president’s involvement we need the society to get involved, as well as form a professional union. It’s a triangular structure, even if only in theory for now. In March I hope to hold a conference. The main topic - formation of the professional union. Immigrant workers need to be structured. On a positive note I think government will realise it needs these people badly. When they will no longer be able to sell oil at such high prices and it drops to 30 dollars a barrel, they will have to sell metals and timber. There is a limit to how little Russian workers are prepared to get paid, so they will have to use immigrant workers to work on timber and metals, who will be paid 3 times less. Farming is another avenue they can be applied to and the results will be very good. The market of slaves is of course something that is unacceptable. We will keep working. I feel there are prospects.

OBAMA, BOOK

Obama's 'Dreams from my Father' is a beautifully written book, heartfelt and informative at once. On a more personal level, it is also extraordinary how his descriptions of his visit to Africa, Nairobi, remind me of Russia. From government officials taking bribe as if it was the most natural thing in the world, to people not paying taxes and not trusting their government. With some natural beauty at the core and a wealth of history, both are flawed at every level. The lack of functional structure, and human rights institutions. And the worst of it - the extremely low value of human life. I guess it should not have been such a surprise, but it still was.