Very Early Monday

The stupid lonely feeling. More questions than answers. Constant new things to deal with, from money to people's moods. The ongoing 'well, once the system has decided to chew you up..' to 'surely you're not safe there'. But we do learn to live with everything. I see a bright ans smily day coming. Or just a day coming.

Squaddie

Squaddie is a great book a man I am proud to call my friend, Steven McLaughlin. It is an emotional, honest and detailed account of his tour in Iraq. it is a cliche-this kind of experience changes you forever. Steven is a kind, giving man who cherishes this life. A must read!

Once you get rid of fear you can move freely, guided only by your morals. I try to live by this.

Occasional feeling of desperation can lead to an episode of very positive activity. I imagine this is connected to a self-preservation instinct, which i always believed i lack. I'm getting back on track with my play staging in NY as well as other projects. I can actually sense, see, smell those things happening.

Still no word from Andrei. And there is a long road ahead. But, as the President said yesterday, 'We won't quit'. We have come far enough and the journey was painful. Broke but not broken, tortured but not beaten... I believe in US.

America, like any other country, has history of making mistakes. But is also the country of immense and real emotion.

It's been a week since Andrei has been on some train-type thing on his way to the camp. No word from, him. Not knowing what it's like there is difficult. I am trying to visualize it but can't. Hopefully this part will be over soon.

Shall is start laying out what i have gathered over the years on the Moscow theatre siege? Will anyone want to see this? I do need to know.

Andrei

I will soon be battling the Russian court system, again. Andrei is on the way to the prison camp. He needs to have an operation to remove the metal blades in his right arm-a very serious wound sustained as a result of an ambush during an operation three years ago. I will have to fight for that to happen, somehow. It is an exhausting battle with the windmills.

He fought and risked his life, EVERY day. That was his job and he was doing it for the people. Not the money, as the monetary compensation was laughable, for the people. He was so betrayed.

Some America-haters have already called US help in Haiti 'an occupation'. We just can't win with this type of immoral idiot.

CNN

CNN's coverage of Haiti earthquake aftermath was groundbreaking. It was emotional and riveting like never before, with reporters not only being there, but also helping and getting us further engaged. There were anger and tears, the reports were so alive. They were so full of heart. My love for CNN is unwavering.

HAITI

The catastrophe in Haiti has put under the magnifying glass the extreme poverty large part of the world is living in. This country was barely surviving in the best of times, and the humanitarian aid and monetary subsidies were not of much, because they reached the people. From Papa Duck to Pival, it is corruption all the way. In this terrifying situation there is absolutely no centralized control in Haiti itself and people are having their legs amputated under local anaesthetic. The total disregard for human life as well as death is evident-people are buried, nameless, in mass graves. This is not uncommon in poor countries and even Eastern Europe still has this to a degree. (To me one of the most compelling things about the Western democracies is that there is a fight for every single human life.)

For the first time ALL of us have been awakened to the extreme poverty many people live in this world, the images of which we are now seeing on our screens every day.

This is the time for true American leadership and a long-term commitment to Haiti, which we do see happening.

My fiance is about to be taken on the 'journey' from the jail he is in to the prison camp. I will not disclose the location just yet. This trip promises to be a tough one. Limited food-lack of personal food parcels, generally very bad conditions. He doesn't worry about it but I do. I won't hear from him that whole time, which could end up being a month or even longer. All i can do is tell him i love him.

I wonder how 100 years from now the great people of today will be researched and written about. Up until now the historic figures of the past are quoted from their diaries and correspondence with friends, relatives etc. 100 years from now will we be quoted from our email messages and facebook entries?

On a small boat, in East Africa

Russia-stuck in the same nasty place

Reading great historian Edward Radzinsky I find it fascinating that the descriptions of the state of Russia by some of the greatest thinkers of all time, given in the early 19th century are accurate to date. Young Alexander Pushkin spoke of people's inability 'to be awoken by a call of dignity' and that 'herds need not bare the gifts freedom'. Pushkin also refused to criticize the famous 'dandy' of the time - Petr Chaadaev, who in his open letter offered his view of Russia: the country forever stuck between the East and the West, unable to adopt anything good from either side; that Russia grows but never blooms and that something in its blood forbids even the slightest idea of progress; that its present is forever stale.

You know you're in a small pool of people who think alike when on the same day you get emailed the same cartoon (below) from over a dozen friends.

'May all the Bad Things stay in the previous year'.